Let me tell you about the Legend of the White Devil and the 666…

sko“Y’all don’t know shit about shit!”  screams cantankerous old local music cranky pants DJ Think Noise when asked about White Devil and the 666.  “So allow me to school your kindergarten asses.  Gather round children!”

“Legend has it that late one night, E.S. Cormac (of Hill Haints) and Black Jack Cassidy
(Sisterhood of Sleep, Moon Worship, Bone Parade) were barrelling down the Northway
blasting Jon Spencer Blues Explosion at full volume. Ed shouted to Jack; ‘we should do
something like this! You know, raw, bluesy, loose!’ and Jack shouts back ‘hell yeah.
But EVVVILLL!!!!’

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“…and smack! Some methed up driver in a Dragula’ (some say Satan hisself!  Others just say Rob Zombie) smashes into their car and A FIREBALL OF HELLFIRE AND SULFUR LIT UP THE NIIGGGHHYIII–YIIGHYT!

“Ah shit, where was I?  Got caught up in my own shtick…

“Oh yeah… the remains of E.S. and Black Jack weren’t found that night. Sometimes, when something so terrible, so evil, so rock and roll happens, dooders spirits can not cross over to hell where they belong, but they must live out eternity in hellfire inspired blues and rhythm!

“And so, E.S. and Black Jack were born again in blues and hellfire as WHITE DEVIL AND THE 666!

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“Ever since that night, they’ve been exacting their revenge on anyone that’ll listen to their musty brand of raw, loose blues and pounding noise all over the Capital Region.

“And the Facebook has it that on Thursday night, they begin the Saratoga to Albany gauntlet again! Thursday at Desperate Annie’s and Friday night at the Low Beat, which will force the Double Dealin’ Demon Duo to trod once more that Haunted Highway that gave birth to their FIRE AND FURY in the first place!

“What will happen in the meantime? Will they meet up with the mysterious methhead stranger that killed them and make a deal for their souls? Will they rock him back to HELL!!!!??? I, for one, cannot wait to find out.  So git yr asses out to these shows or goddammit, you won’t know nothin bout Legends of local BLUES AND ROCK and you still won’t know shit about shit!”

Today is Mr. Cancelled Day

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We hereby declare April 19th Mr. Cancelled day!  I don’t think it’s anything else, and we have an interview and a review of their new album!  Well yeah my boss is like ‘I am Dave!  Do vat I say!  You vill die here!’  He’s such an asshole.  Dammit Phil look what you made me write!  But seriously we’re gonna celebrate by playing their new ep ‘Every Town Has its Dolls’ all day long here on Times Boredom radio and, um, ahh read the fuckin articles if you wanna laugh.  We promise lead singer Gary’s way funnier than we are.

 

Haley Moley fat shamed me!

After enjoying Haley Moley’s set at Superdark Thursday (see video below), I was so impressed that I just had to buy a t-shirt!

Haley Moley performing their song ‘Parallel Executions’

However, when I approached lead singer/synth player Jennifer Maher Coleman to inquire whether they had a size triple XL shirt for a portly gentlemen such as myself, she indicated that they didn’t have anything that big. And if that wasn’t bad enough, guitar player and backing vocalist (also of super solo project Sinkcharmer) Paul Coleman indicated that a large would definitely fit me, since it fit him.  As if I could somehow squeeze into the gear that these active rockstars seen above were dancing around in while playing their instruments!

Feeling bloated and alone, I walked to another merch table at the show to ask if I could purchase a triple XL Super Dark shirt, but was met with the a similar response.

Listen up you fat shaming rockstars and skinny scenesters, just because you’re in great shape and are fit from rocking and dancing on stage doesn’t mean that all of your fans are!

But it’s not all bad news.  Super dark took pity on me and gave me a copy of the new Mr. Cancelled record, one size fits all!  And it’s awesome!  The music makes me feel better.

So if you see yr fat pal Mr. Koenig at the next Super Dark show, tell him to put down the pizza and beer, and buy him a Haley Moley or Mr. Cancelled album instead (and get yourself one while you’re at it).  Someday with the right support and the super awesome local music to dance to I just know I’ll be able to fit into one of the available t-shirt sizes!

We’re afraid to write an article about Maggot Brain

In our experience serious hardcore and metal bands don’t appreciate our weird brand of love indicated by mockery and stupid inside jokes.

The last time we tried to write about a straightforward hardcore/metal band, we received such backlash we had to remove it from the site. Comments such as ‘not funny’ and ‘the worst’ were thrown around on Facebook. We cried. All the tears.

mbMaggot Brain in their early days looking like they’re ready to kick our asses!

So despite the fact that we fucking love Maggot Brain’s 2012 opus Stop and Breathe and all the ep’s/splits we’ve been able to get our hands on and drool at the opportunity to experience their brutally intoxicating live shows, we’re just too afraid to write something we think is funny that we must refrain from even attempting to do so.

There are plenty of other similar bands out there like Dirt Church, Wet Specimens, Your Brain on Drugs, etc. that we’ve love to do an article on but, to be honest, we’re scared!

It’s a sad day when fake news sites are too afraid to pseudo-mock those they love. But when Maggot Brain finally releases their new album we’ve been anticipating for some time now, we’ll be happy whether they like this random nod or call us ‘the worst’. Either way, we’ll just have to keep our admiration to ourselves…

Wait, did I fuck that up again? Oh well. Here comes the fallout.

10 Worst Local Bands of 2018!

So for this year’s Worst Local Bands issue, we decided to stop being so autocratic and instead asked a bunch of hand picked scenesters to give us a list of their favorites from 2018. Out of over 50 people asked, 19 responses were received. Following which an unnecessarily complicated algorithm was devised with scoring procedures based upon the input of the lists received and the results came out terrible (actually we just counted the number of mentions of each band). And yeah now that we’ve got our new paid site and are changing things up we should embed music in all the mini blurbs but we’re still just figuring out wtf CSS is and wtf a href means… We promise not to do this again until next year when we’ve gotten better at everything.

10. Sinkcharmer
facebook_1539358397032He’s been taking his darkwave bass and synth shows to the masses with a frequency that beats Kenneth to death this year! And we all love him and wish that he’d let us be in his band. But he’s a shy, awkward guy that gets up on stage and performs nearly every week. Also probably the artist that got the most Times Boredom articles written making fun of him this year. What a sport!

9. Pony in the Pancakeponyinthepancake

Okay so when you ask a bunch of people that aren’t you for their favorites you come with some unexpected results. We don’t really know ‘PIP’ as we’re told they’re abbreviated, but a lot of our readers apparently really like them!  We think, but aren’t even sure, that the picture above is of them.   This writer doesn’t know much about them other than the fact that they’ve been tearing up Albany stages for as long as I can remember never slowing down never letting up and now, praise be to Koenig, they’ve finally made the most important list in the Capital District of well loved/hated local musicians!  Congrats!  And apologies!

8. William Hale/William Hate/The Wait

putden20William Hale, aka Lucas Van Scoy, has been playing around the northeast, forming and reforming backing bands, changing his image and his name around, and rocking it out since the days of the Benson Collective.  Recently he’s come to the attention and admiration of a large sample of the Superdark/Times Boredom crowd.  Taking famous Glens Falls and Saratoga scenesters along for the ride, his overwhelming songwriting talents and impressive performances have been astounding audiences in the past year like never before with his hi-fi lo-fi brand of folk rock/freak folk/ whatever the fuck they’re calling it this decade calling to mind the legend of singer-songwriters like Zach Condon of Beirut.  We look forward to further incarnations of this local prolific giant such as new band The Wait (not to be confused with terrible old local band The Wait that broke up over a decade ago)!

7. Mr. Cancelled

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Mr. Cancelled is the nom de guerre of Gary Ziroli, a man that’s been poundin the lo-fi acoustic and electric guitar for awhile now, taking cues from lo-fi bigwigs like the Mountain Goats and Sebadoh (but the good early shit with like Loewenstein and Gaffney ah whatever if you don’t know what inside baseball play in the ’92 series we’re referencing you never will). And yeah we probably shouldve put a picture of his current band that includes local heavyweights like Chris Brown and Jon Cantiello, but we loved the photo above as we love many of the artsy photos he’s constantly posting on instagram — go follow him.  NOW!  But enough about local politics, point is Mr. Cancelled’s now got a badass band making the rounds and kicking our asses all over the Capital District at every SuperDark show he can play!  And 2018 will hopefully just be a pivoting point for this songwriter/showman/photographer… RENAISSANCE MAN.

6. NXNES

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We’ve seen and enjoyed the phenomenal NXNES (aka Jo-Jo Rose, pictured above semi-anonymously for interesting artistic reasons explained here) many times and have thoroughly enjoyed their (his?) idiosyncratically eclectic mix of Hip-hop, R&B, and indie. Even though they’re from western Mass, they’re playing the Capital District so often it’s like it doesn’t matter where they’re from. We want them here. Again and again and again. Come back soon!

5. Sky Furrows

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Ok so you know how we said we got unexpected results from the algorithm? We’ve never seen this band, but apparently they’re a fucking powerhouse of psychedelic noise jams fronted by a poetess that owns whatever club they’re playing according to the scenesters surveyed.  Thanks survey, you clued us in to another local phenomenon we were completely unaware of! And it was and still is difficult to find info on who they are, where they come from, when they’re coming back… hey Sky Furrows if you see this, get in contact with us and we’ll get you all over the internet!  Sorry, did we break a 6th wall there or something?

4. Eternal Crimes

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Eternal Crimes has received our ire many a time, from jokes about their involvement in Super Dark (drummer Shane Sanchez and bass player John Gill are major players in that collective or whatever the Empire can be called at this point), about bass player John Gill’s model good looks, the time he called me ‘Steve’ instead of ‘Scott’, Nico Jordan’s unique vocals that often sound like an evil goblin singing from the Necronomicon, etc. Boasting not only Super Dark but credentials of being a supergroup made up of members from Black Ships, Severe Severe, every project Shane’s ever started or been in (and there are too many to keep track of), it’s no wonder our readers all love and sing the praises of this powerhouse trio that’s been at and rocked pretty much every cool show that happened in 2018!

3. Blood Blood Blood

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New to the survey but certainly not to us is Shane Sanchez’ pivotal lo-fi darkwave electronic noise vehicle Blood Blood Blood that’s brought him front and center at many of his own curated shows. We’re guessing that he just plays whenever he can’t find an opener, sometimes alone, sometimes with other Super Dark Collective all stars, usually in disguises and performing personas.  Is that even them above? Honestly, we’re glad everytime he can’t find an opener, because we love this act!

2. Che Guevara T-shirt

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Not these fuckin guys again. I swear someone rigged this survey. There’s no way that this band, consistently dubbed the ‘most underrated band in the’ (fill in the blank), genuinely got second place in this survey. We cry foul! Though they certainly did put out what was definitively their best record in 2018, Seven Out Pay the Don’ts, largely as a result of the brilliant engineering of Justin Pizzoferrato of Sonelab Studios (PLUG!) (who also worked on the new Bendt record which we’re eager to hear), the increasingly interesting and idiosyncratic percussion work of John Olander (who you probably know as the redhead that does the sound at half the shows you go to), and the melodious haunting guitar of Matt Heuston.  Also that they recently added scene beloved local bass player (a longtime member of the band at #1 see below) Katlyn Celentano to the lineup.  But the fact that whenever they play live they look so bored and sleepy and (esp. front man k. Sonin formerly of like, a million Albany bands from twenty years ago that drew 5 ppl tops to any show they played other than Complicated Shirt who was fucking AWESOME) CRANKY that the crowd always has to try to cheer them up makes us think, no.  This didn’t happen legitimately. Ah hell we done interduced them enough.  Cheats!  Shenanigans!  Rigged!

1. Hill Haints

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Number 1 two years in a row! There’s no denying by anyone that’s ever seen them that this band fucking rules. They never stop playing, never stop having fun, and you’ll see their members in the crowd or maybe even onstage at everything local music thing that matters (including new side project White Devil and the 666 fronted by HH’s own E.S. Cormac and the other incestuous groups all members are in and out of — ok we didn’t mean that to sound so gross but we’re glad that it came out that way.  Maybe it’ll go back in easier). Not to mention the fact that they released their Tour de Force EP Carcinogen this year (expertly reviewed by brilliant review site Post-Magazine Rock here), taking local radio, bandcamp and facebook downloads by storm. Cormac, Hanson, Celentano, and Piper are a relentless touring band that gets better everytime they play and appears to write and improve every one of their tunes while onstage!

We had to throw in at least one dig in this otherwise shit sandwich of winning the worst award for local music in the Capital District known as the Times Boredom Worst Local Band of 2018 list which is more likely to destroy your band’s fame and popularity than enhance it… And man do they ever fucking deserve it!  Everybody else that’s reading this, go see Hill Haints and take notes! Step up your game! Make your shit ecclectic as all get out (but of course referential to the Giants of our industry such as the most obvious comparison of the Stooges but honestly every great indie and noise rock band to hit the stage this century), have fun, make noise, rock out, and win the most coveted awards in the industry!

Oh and btw we’ll be sending the actual gold statue in the mail since the one we gave y’all at the awards show was actually made of plastic (looked better on camera that way). Well done!

Times Boredom too busy to do ‘Best of’ Issue Right Now

We’ve been messing with you for a long time now and we want to apologize. We do not have huge corporate offices in downtown Albany and a staff of hundreds. We don’t even have enough money to pay our writers. Whether or not we write or publish articles is actually dependent on how much of our actual jobs we have to do, how much Fucking Christ band practice we have to go to, emptying the cat box, etc.

Therefore we will not, as we intended and asserted to many, be able to publish our ‘best of 2018’ article just yet. But watch the site and the facebooks, cause it’s coming. We will get it to you. We swear on the vast profits that Times Boredom receives from your viewership subscriptions and ad revenue every year. We appreciate your patience and apologize for any inconvenience this may have caused you or your loved ones.

Sincerely,

THE ENORMOUSLY WEALTHY WELL PAID STAFF AND CORPORATE OFFICE DWELLERS OF TIMES BOREDOM

Times Boredom the last local music rag standing

Yet another local music publication is closing its doors.  So long, All Over Albany…

In other news, we just heard the Low Beat is for sale too. WTF?! Local music is coming apart at the seams…

Following the shutdown of the Alt in September, that leaves only terrible little bullshit sites like our own to cover the entire local music scene in the Capital District. We are so sorry. We swear it’s not our fault.

But now that we think of it, we’re pretty much all you’ve got left now, unless you wanna read the crappy arts section of the local news publications that ‘don’t know shit about shit’! So suck it up and read our drivel! MUWAH HA HAH HA HA! WE’RE THE ONLY TASTE MAKERS NOW! WE CAN MAKE OR BREAK YOUR BAND! GIVE US FREE PASSES TO YOUR SHOWS! BUY US BEERS! SEND US SEXY MEN AND WOMEN! OR ELSE!

Seriously, we mourn the loss of another great local music/events source and look forward to abusing our newfound power.