The ironically titled ‘No Fun’ bar and venue to change Troy, the Capital District, craft brews, art and culture in the world we know it forever!!!! And you can take that from your pal MC Think Noise, cause I know shit about shit!

Y’all don’t know shit about shit! So before the great and wise ancient scenester MC Think Noise here tells you about the greatest bar and venue that ever was or shall be, a little history lesson for you ungrateful ahistorical pretentious hipster twerps!  i was once like you… hey shutup you in the back! You think I can’t hear you?! I know what you’re saying and YOU. DON’T. KNOW. SHIT. So listen up!

A cultural/scene history lesson from ancient cranky pants anti-hipster MC Think Noise before the announcement you’ve all been waiting for… just kidding. Or are we? The only way to know for sure is to keep reading.

Now as a hardcore lefter than left of left Marxist, anti-Capitalist, anti-advertisement and anti-Fun self loathing petty-bourgeouis schpieler, I was flat out opposed to making this announcement. However;

  • I was told the name of the venue was gonna be ‘No Fun’. Course I’m an Iggy acolyte from way back in the day, I myself named the ‘No New York’ no wave comp, and am immune to irony in all its forms yet can appreciate it smarter than any of any of you!
  • They offered me free admission to all
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shows now and in the future!

And the final clincher for this old dog, a free sixer of my favorite, Nine Pin Cider from my current favorite Lark Street haunt Pint Sized. A couple of cans in and I didn’t even care when I remembered all the god damned super dark shows are free! To me and everyone else!

Seriously though. This is the coolest fucking news/surprise/secret I’ve ever been savvy too before any a you pricks! Now hand me another cider, and I’ll tell you about the coming of the ultimate bar/craft beer & cider/show space/diy art venue in downtown Troy; NO FUN!!!!!

My now and forever hero, August Rosa, owner of Pint Sized and the brave force that will bring us NO FUN!!!!

So let me start off by saying a few words about the hero of the new place, Sir August Rosa:

  • If he’d been the master composer and heavy shredding guitarist behind legendary Albany collective rock/emo pop punk band Aficionado, Dayenu.
  • If he’d opened a basement location in Albany to sell local and regional craft beers, ciders, and more, Dayenu.
  • If he’d taken that basement location to the heart of Center Square on Lark Street, filled it with taps and hundreds of delicious choices, made a great space to hang out AND a great venue for great shows, Dayenu.
  • If he’d built upon that success with a second location in Saratoga on Broadway, Dayenu.
  • And if you don’t fuckin know what ‘Dayenu’ means, shit son, what are they teaching you in that dumbshit school you got goin to? That’s from the Bible son! And I didn’t even go to college and highschool too! And look where it got me! Shit I lost my place. Where was I?

    Oh yeah,….
    And now, when you think he can give the Capital District no more cool shit, he gives us “too much too soon” and asks too little (that was a Buster Poindexter reference if you didn’t know ya little ignoranimus that dunnit know shit… who’s Buster Poindexeter? SEriously?!!! New York Dolls frontman Buster.. ah forget it) Now where was I?

    A new venue for Pint Sized in downtown Troy at 277 River Street where he’ll be bringing all the great craft brews to Troy where you can drink them in the bar or just pick up a growler or a case to enjoy at home. And a brand new awesome diy/performance and art space at 275 River Street right where it’s needed most, where all of us scene geeks and freaks, hipsters and art snobs, craft beer enthusiasts, and pretentious neck beard types can call our second home, called ‘No Fun’!

    Local booking/promoting/presenting/executive producer of all things experimentally illuminating yet ‘Super dark’, my man Shane Sanchez (the dude with his eyes crossed in)

    Most importantly, he’s partnering up with the likes of the super dudes from the Superdark collective; Shane Sanchez for his excellence in booking and promotions, and John Olander to build the coolest fucking sound system EVER while keeping it low key with a good sized stage and weird crazy art and media to decorate the coolest fucking hangpad EVER to make what we’re all expecting to be the best fucking club in downtown Troy or ANYWHERE EVER!!!!

    My pal Johnnyola. He told me about this Superman guy at the place… ah shit I shouldn’t of said that. I’m smart too not like they say… and I got passed over for my kid brother! Now say a hail Mary for the master of noise tech John Olander who will be building the sound system, stage, and mise en scene from fucking scratch!

    August, who already owns and operates 2 cool as that fucking cider I done already finished cause I’m a no-good old drunk that feels too damned much nostalgia for the old days that were so fucking great that there’s no way the future can possibly compete unless it’s in the heart of downtown Troy and run by 3 of the coolest people around… shit I forgot where I was going with this…

    Anyway, August told me personally that “People have always asked why we haven’t done a project in Troy. I’ve always wanted to bring Pint Sized to downtown and have looked at spaces on and around River Street as early as 2017. There is a lot going on in Troy and I never felt that a Pint Sized on its own would be enough with so many unique and innovative offerings to do in the area. The “No Fun” event space will be what really sets this project apart. I absolutely see a need for dedicated performance space in downtown. We look forward to being a part of Troy’s downtown scene.”

    And you KNOW your ole dog Think Noise couldn’t agree more. As a longtime Troy scenester, I’ve seen plenty of awesome venues come and go. My favorite by far was 51 3rd Street (a venue that most of y’all are too young to have witnessed the awesome powers and influence of), a real cool and weird square hole in the wall pad where RPI professors, students, and scenesters from around the Capital District could go to see great local shit like Denim and Diamonds, Complicated Shirt and Struction as well as national up and coming experimental performing acts like Fat Worm of Error, Dan Deacon, noise music royalty like Emil Beaulieu, and so many other great things I could list off that we’d be here all night… And then of course there was the likes of Artie’s many venues the last one that evenutally became the River Street Pub run by Vince Pellicano where the Super dark boys found their original home base in Troy. And then of course there were the legendary clubs and concert venues like the Hudson Duster, EmPAc, Revolution Hall and so many other cool and not so cool places to see shows that shut down or were the wrong place or size for the hip experimental noise and indie rock art house performances that Troy is famous for or the fantastic outdoor shows at Rare Form that for the past year have given us a way to see so many great superdark shows even in the midst of the Covid pandemic…

    But all that don’t mean shit, now that the setup, location, dedication, and fuckin yeah fucker spirits of everyone that’s gonna be working on the new Pint Sized location and ‘No Fun’ diy performance and art venue promises the beginning of a whole new era, a new paradigm, are you pickin up what Think Noise is puttin down?! If only they’d hire yours truly to be the house MC, they’d have it all!

    And your ole pal and drinking buddy gone dry and back again cannot fucking wait until the doors open and we rush in! To the end of quarantining and watching home performances of all my favorite local bands and performers and the beginning of a brand new era of endless craft brews, original live bands, and a public space where everyones welcome to hang out bear witness and be inspired and share in the nirvana in Troy of music, art, and every great collaborative thing in the Capital District but also those geniuses that do all that AND make it all possible like August Rosa, Shane Sanchez and John Olander.

    Do you remember Valentines? Upstate Artists Guild? Miss Mary’s art space?! These is all gonna just be distant memories that will only serve as footnotes to the story of the greatest venue ever begotten, NO FUN! Theys gonna be a mass exodus from Williamsburg, Green Point, Long Island City and all those other super concentrated hipsterdoms like Cleveland before Lester Bangs ruined it straight to the River Street area in downtown Troy once the Pint Size/No fun club opens up. And we gonna live upstairs and downstairs and next door, camp out on the front porch all lit up with kerosene and molly on planet k inside the in crowd out in the cold listening to the free music blasting over the whole fucking block and blowing us over into the gutters and crawl back to our beds so we can sleep enough to come back and do it all over again…

    Have you ever heard of CBGB’s? The Limelight? Lollapalooza? Woodstock?!!!! All just small steps building up to the coolest venue and greatest performances that ever were or shall be, NO FUN!!

    And now that you know some shit about some shit go forth and spread the word! (and of course if you want me to explain the legend of Brevator and how they made Daughters cry b/c they’d surpassed them in every way and Daughters got back at them by sabotaging their recording so no one’d ever know how fucking great they were I’m always around… hit me up man… I’ll probably be outside No Fun soon as it opens in like November maybe or I’ll just be hanging around there anyway…

    Yrs in rock y siempre, – MC THINK NOISE

    Enormous ongoing rumors of pay for promotion scandal rock the Capital District Music scene and beyond

    The elusive informant known only as ‘Catacomb Deep Vagina’ continues to disturb local
    music performers, fans, and media outlets with their rumors of pay for review scandals across the Capital District and beyond, some of which have now been confirmed. In the case of local underground ‘blog’ site Times Boredom, several former writers/traitors have come forward to confirm the rumors.

    “Yeah I mean “Deep Vagina” or whatever that person is calling themself is off their fuckin rocker, but they’re not wrong about a lot of this shit. I used to work for Times Boredom until I found out what a corrupt mess it is. I mean, did anyone ever ask where their funding came from? Why all of their articles are total lies and yet were completely allowed to be published, challenged by no one? That’s when I quit and came forward.” says former Times Boredom writer Anatoly Petronin who is totally lying about all this because he’s an asshole.

    But it’s not just Times Boredom that’s in trouble, according to alleged informant Deep Vagina. Allegations that ‘this thing goes higher than you would believe, all they way up to the top of the scene and everything in between’ have been published in various muckraking news outlets.

    The Albany Gazette has uncovered troves of evidence to back up the massive claims coming from the Deep Vagina. Fake identities, social media profiles, even completely made up local publications have been used by local bands that paid for promotion and to pad their ‘press kits’ for over five years now. Bands have allegedly paid for positive album reviews, show reviews, even phony stories about themselves and their vocal, instrumental, and sexual prowess in multiple publications across Albany, Troy, Saratoga, etc.

    “This really ugly shady guy with one leg and an eye patch approached me after one of our shows, saying if I paid him he’d make it look like hundreds of people came to the show. Then he’d give us fake great album reviews, all kinds of fake likes on Facebook, for only fifty bucks. This was a long time ago, I hear he’s paying a lot more now.” says Matt H. (‘matth’) of Che Guevara T-Shirt (and dblgoer abd NFI Records, though neither of these groups have been implicated), one of the bands that has allegedly paid bribes for positive promotions.

    Shown here is MattH after his mysterious death in 2018. He came forward to admit that his group Che Guevara T-Shirt had accepted bribes in the so called ‘pay to play in the catacomb deep vagina’ scandal, only to be found dead of natural causes 26 years later.

    “And that’s when you told him to ‘go to hell?”

    “Fuck no! That would’ve been balls dumb. Have you ever been at one of our shows? Of course not! No one has! But this guy got us like 10,000 likes on Facebook, and we were fielding offers from all over the place. Of course we gave him twenty bucks for that!” exclaims Che Guevara T-Shirt drummer Johnny O.

    “I thought you said it was fifty?”

    “Yeah, but you know, Keith ‘Kasrael’d’ him down.” adds k. Sonin.

    Man. That’s fucked up. Even for us.

    (As always, if you are offended by anything you read here, please go fuck yourself in your own home with a self-addressed stamped envelope. Thanks so much!)

    Many others are coming forward rather than be exposed first by the Albany Gazette. Architrave Stripmining, BattleaXXX and Shovels, Thinner Friends in the Superdark, Haunted Cat Industrial Espionage, Fine Grain long haired metal guy Beauty products, the list goes on and on, all the way up to local media organizations like Superdark Boogey Productions (a subsidiary of the Superdark Franchising Corporation), Nippertown Candy and T-shirts inc., The Spot 518 Book Club and elephant Menagerie, and so on. No real groups or publications have been indicted yet.

    While many of the groups mentioned above have admitted having worked with the shady individual, they claim to have had no foreknowledge that the alleged one legged one eyed blue pants wearing person (no one knows his real name, some say it’s Dave.) was involved in ‘pay for vagina play’. They say the mysterious individual volunteered to write a few articles for their publications but they were unaware of any payments whatsoever.

    “He used fake names, fake profiles, whatever it took to throw people off the trail. I heard he had thousands of fake facebook profiles, and he charged for likes and follows. He could make or break any Albany band, and he did. I told my bosses not to trust him, and eventually they found out I was right. I am the greatest muckraking reporter that has ever lived, and I deserve all the credit for exposing all of this. And fuck you, Times Boredom; you never paid me for those articles I wrote for you!” screamed local liar/journalist Wendell Wright after he insisted we interview him (he’s also an asshole).

    The truth of these allegations and the denials by most of the groups and organizations involved will probably come forward in the next few months or years from now. In the meantime, if this fake reporter might editorialize, shouldn’t someone have been asking why local publications were consistently, often even hyperbolically (not a word) giving out phenomenal reviews to any musical group in the area they wrote about? Isn’t it obvious that, with all the ‘fake names’ and ‘fake profiles’, this is not simply a one person operation, but that the Germans are most likely involved? And your mom? Your mom’s definitely in on this. Ask her. I told her it was ok to tell you. But seriously, none of this stuff is actually illegal, so who gives a shit? I say if a foreign operative wants to come to our town, promote a bunch of local music and make a boatload of money doing it, please give me their phone number so I can either learn how or blackmail them.

    BattleaXXX gave me feminist NIGHTMARES!!!

    I fell asleep listening to the rocking sounds of BattleaXXX’s new release ‘Adequate’, enjoying everything about it. I thought to myself, this is so fucking cool. I’ma listen to it tomorrow.

    Never again.

    I soon awoke dripping with sweat, afraid of women everywhere. Taking back what is theirs. Seizing the monopoly on violence for themselves. Rounding up all the men and then sending them out to the desert to kill each other while they rule like Gazorpians!

    BattleaXXX; Queen Killers!

    I dreamt I had been dating one of the members of battleaXXX but, like the man jerk that I am, I dumped her for some stupid reason. She told me she was gonna kick my ass.

    Haha! I ain’t scared of no woman! Bring it on.

    Until, of course…

    Martha Moscowitz, Brooke Degener and Megan Prokorym all showed up at my house, armed to the teeth! I threw a punch out of fear and before I knew it I was dismembered! Guitar shredding my face! Bass pounding my skull! Drums crushing my legs! Screaming in a bloody mess about how I wish I’d never messed with BattleaXXX! I wish I’d never done wrong to women! It was all my fault! I deserve this!

    Now when I look at the innocent cover of their latest record, I drop it in fear and run for the hills!

    They’re coming for us! All the young dudes, run for your lives!

    10 best local recordings of 2020!

    Ok so we’re a little late this year. We’ve had a lot on our mind since, in case you hadn’t noticed, a lot’s been going on in the world besides local music. And while local music is always important and will always be OUR lifeblood, when the world shuts down and refuses to allow live music performances to take place… we get a bit depressed and unmotivated :(.

    Luckily, the lack of live performances allowed many local groups to focus on recording and releasing new material! In this spirit, instead of doing our usual ‘worst local band of’, we decided to do a ‘worst local recording of 2020’! And there were so many to choose from… a list of all the great local recordings that made the list but not the top ten is available at the bottom! We recommend listening to not only the top 10 but every single one listed!!! There is so much great local music that’s released every year that we all miss just because we don’t hear about it, and we’re just trying to do our part to remedy that! Thanks for reading! Here’s the top 10:

    10. Madeline Darby – Innovation

    1

    Madeline Darby has been an integral part of the local scene and especially the Superdark collective for years now. As a member of Dominated Swine and Thinner Friends in addition to her solo releases, her contribution to the electronic noise music in the capital district local scene is enormous to say the least. And on her most recent release, Innovation, her mastery of the independent experimental electronic and darkwave genres are on full display. A very personal album full of vocals, despite the frequent use of monotone/rap, it’s evocative of the very individual intellectual and psychological struggles that Madeline Darby and the rest of us face on a daily basis. With Shane Michael/100 Psychic Dreams contributing mixing and Paul Coleman mastering, Madeline’s collaborative spirit and choice of the best of the best in the local scene’s recording industry is beyond reproach. But the wealth of knowledge of electronic recordings and forays into the tiniest corners of the extensive wealth of electronic genres is fully displayed by all the intriguing tracks contained in this twenty minute ep — you have to hear it to appreciate just how much space it covers!

    9. Scum Couch – Righteous Climb

    We at Times Boredom have been huge fans of Scum Couch for awhile now (even editorially suggesting they be the best of last year). But we may be biased, since the kind of avant-garde experimental rocking noise music Mark O’Brien deals in is pretty much our favorite post subgenre. And this short collection of loud wailing noise rock is just magnifique! Calling to mind the noisey experimentation of a thousand barely heard touring artists (we think of our old but sadly defunct friends Ape Not Kill Ape), but also relating to post and noise rock heroes like Silver Daggers, Oxbow, and Health, this ep is a gateway drug to all things further left field than most likely anything you’ll ever hear on the radio (other than perhaps the Superdark Radio Show!). And it melds so many genres and advances in the genre’s influences so seamlessly it sounds as though O’Brien isn’t just pioneering but invented them all! Well done, as always!

    8. Keith Sonin & John Olander – Invalid Labor

    This is what happens when you don’t respond to the surveys people!

    So if that last entry was a little too noisey or far left of the dial for you, there’s no way you’re going to be able to stomach to this release from two members of Albany’s long running noise rock collective Che Guevara T-Shirt. Apparently both have been digging into far more noise over signal and random chance experimental recordings, though the sides of the coin that are on display here from the two sound artists are certainly very distinct from each other.

    Olander’s side of the record is 5 songs of nothing but straight kazoo solos.

    Sonin, on the other hand, appears to be utilizing feedback from various contact mics on acoustic instruments in the foreground and layers of amplifiers mic’d and feeding back into each other as background. Both lack obvious rhythm (though both are clearly rhythmic in their own unusually defined ways), traditional instrumentation, or vocals of any kind. Mixing and mastering by omnipresent behind the scenes star Paul Coleman and (on the Olander tracks) Carl Blackwood of local band Bendt lend these recordings balance and presence, but take away nothing of the intentional grit. Dark, foreboding seemingly random soundscapes lie in wait on this record to entertain, creep you out, and intriguingly describe a period in the lives of their creators.

    7. Thinner Friends

    The Superdark collective supergroup Thinner Friends is made up of Madeline Darby (Madeline Darby), Gary Ziroli (Mr. Cancelled), and Shane Sanchez (100 Psychic Dreams, Blood Blood Blood, Eternal Crimes, etc.). Dealing in energetic electronic postpunk, the group gained immediate attention and local love upon forming and playing their first show. Since then they’ve created a cadre of songs for this debut ep of fun, danceable tunes melding too many hip genres to list. If you’re familiar with other groups these three allstars have been involved in, you’ll be pleasantly surprised to hear their separate talents merged into one group that so naturally complements and completes both songs and instrumentation it sounds like they’ve always been together. Three to the third power of great tastes that taste great together!

    6. Various Artists – 518 Covid19 Quarantine Comp

    A lot of different independent original music elements were brought together for this compilation, from groups associated with the Superdark collective in Saratoga and Troy, to Glens Falls No More Death Stars, eastern Massachusetts stars Leap the Dips, Albany allstars Gay Tastee Ex Machina, all the way down to groups that started in Albany and made their way to NYC and Ohio Never out of the Woods! There have been plenty of similar compilations over the years (like say from NYC to Albany, the screed comps, countless punk rock split 7 inches), but this one was formed out of the need for community resulting from the atomization and forced solitude of the pandemic. Compiler Keith Sonin (of local goatherders Che Guevara T-Shirt) worked with superpower duo the Colemans to solicit, bring together, and sequence songs made from the horror and loneliness brought on by the pandemic starting in Albany and spreading as far and wide as needed to convey the pluralistic reactions to the stay at home orders. ‘Intimidating’ near straight noise experimenters like Derpetuity, Arbitrary Labor, and dblgoer stand side by side with the somber yacht rock of the K.O.N.N. and Sava_D and the the lo-fi downbeat Stooges like tracks of Rey Cormac. Most of the artists are either locally famous or the pen names of locally famous group members and one off collaborators. But it’s all motivated by the same spirit of trying to make original independent songs to get ourselves and our friends through this time, and have something to remember it by.

    5. Lone Phone Booth – RE/SOUND

    We’ve been raving about Lone Phone Booth since we first saw them in a dank basement, and haven’t stopped screaming about how great their sophomore effort RE/Sound is since we first heard it (read more at here)! Such a tour de force of not only experimental found sound collages but classic indie rock melodies and guitar lines; we genuinely fear that Lone Phone Booth will relocate some day and leave our love behind. Because clearly they have the talent and the ability; even the recording of every last noise put into this record is crisp and clear when appropriate, fuzzy and lethargic when that’s called for. Clearly we’re not alone, as more and more fans are picking up on how terrific the efforts of Grace Annunziato keep getting better and better. We like to think that we here at Times Boredom enlightened at least a few cool kids to the great sounds of LPB; if we achieved even that, it has not all been in vain!

    4. Haunted Cat – Third Degree Moonburns

    Albany underground legend Drew Benton (Complicated Shirt, TOUGH, Sesame Plexer) just seems to be getting better with every new group he puts together, every new album he makes. The undeniably epic ‘3rd Degree Moonburns’ proves that not only does Benton still have the chops to blow us away with his talent, but that his songwriting skills are not only still great but further developing with every new year. Influences like Magazine, Television, and Richard Hell still figure prominently in the sound, along with the glam of Bowie and Mick Ronson and T. Rex. The sharp, caustic wit that’s been evident throughout his career is here tempered with the wisdom of being able to view it from outside; the noisey punk screeches matured into a melange of sounds that come from everywhere; guitars, drums and bass, but now also horns, piano, and all kinds of Pet Sounds type instruments one would be hard pressed to identify individually. There are even ballads so beautiful and sombre they rival those of Tom Waits (we can’t wait until Rod Stewart covers a Haunted Cat song!). The history of popular music is being examined here, from Walls of Sound to glam-sludge and everywhere in between. Steeped in music theory and a talent for pop songwriting that is unrivaled in the local scene, Haunted Cat reaches (forgive us for the cliched terminology but it really does apply here) EPIC heights with this record. A FUCKING CLASSIC.

    3. Steve Hammond – Small Songs

    Those that know Steve Hammond know that he’s no stranger to unusually high productivity, but on his 2020 release he breaks pretty much every record we can think of. An album with over ninety minutes of music that keeps it interesting with the ‘small song’ format, no song is longer than 3 minutes, most are under two, and the ‘smallest’ comes in at 19 seconds! In addition to having 53 songs (fifty-fucking-three!!), the number of genres included in this small masterpiece exceeds even the number of songs. From the shoegaze of ‘Escaping Hell’, the post-hardcore of ‘cat skin suit’ and ‘dog rape whistle’, to genres times boredom doesn’t usually hear like southwestern instrumentals (guitararra), bossa nova (georgie bean), and even good old fashioned soul with ‘Wasting Away’. And we thought k. Sonin who was eclipsed by Asa Morris were productive! With about 40 albums featuring Steve’s love of all music willing to go anywhere style available on bandcamp alone, Hammond is a genre-bending songaholic never stopping always entertaining steel driving music man!

    2. Sky Furrows

    If you’ve read anything about Sky Furrows on Times Boredom before, you know we never run out of good things to say about them. We’ve been gushing about how terrific they are since they first time we saw them and were entranced by their early SST spoken word post-hardcore sound (we’re all big SST fans from back in the day, and although they combine influences from plenty of other hip underground genres that’s the one we love and celebrate most). And finally, we got to hear their recorded output in 2020 with their self titled new record. Best of all, we got a copy of the vinyl (read Ipolit’s review here)! The timing couldn’t have been better since we’ve been missing their fantastic live shows with all the famous and talented long and short term scenesters on and off stage, so the fact that their record came out mollified us no end being able to listen to it over and over again when we were missing them. Truly the Capital District has been blessed with the unique spoken word poetry of Karen Schoemer (herself an actual music journalist unlike any of us amateurs whatwhithin our nonsensin grammar and rocknroll vocab), the combination of Burnt Hills legends Eric Hardiman, Mike Griffin, and Phil Donnelly (all of whom are in plenty of other fascinatingly creative psychedelic tinged groups like Century Plants, Rambutan, Parashi, etc.), all coming together to give some of their best to truly one of the best albums to come out of the Capital District ever!

    1. Architrave – This Perfect Day

    It’s no secret that there’s mutual love between local scene arms the Super Dark Collective, Times Boredom, and super talented power couple Jennifer and Paul Maher-Coleman (read TB’s interview here) and the many musical projects they spearhead and contribute to, but Architrave’s pandemic release proved once more why this specific group of theirs is as popular and worshipped as they are. Almost timeless in its influences and sounds, the record could be from the late seventies, the synth drenched mid eighties, or the Brooklyn hipster synth-pop renaissance of the early turn of the century. But unlike any nostalgic rehash, Architrave’s songs are purely original compositions based on a love of all their influences and an undeniably innovative resulting output. And of course this ain’t no synth-pop record; there’s a dark mystique and spirituality to this and all Maher-Coleman penned tunes that reveal a depth that, while undeniably catchy, comes from a well of human spirit that’s lived, loved, suffered, and come to terms with the meaningless complexity of life’s many unexpected twists and turns in a way that comes out as nothing short of great wisdom. And that’s not something you usually (if ever) hear in recorded rock, pop, and electronic music. Dark or cold wave would be an insulting term to apply to the brilliant tunes of ‘This Perfect Day’, given how superficial and naive so much of those genres turn out to be. This album represents a definitive maturity of sound crafted by a lifetime of electronic know-how and mastery of evocative melody to convey the personalities of its wise creators. This Perfect Day is not only a perfect record for the pandemic, but we keep spinning it well into the post-pandemic period, appreciating more of its complexity, integrity, and unerring honesty with every new listen. Everything that Jen and Paul Coleman are involved in is made better by their presence, but when their greatness is distilled to its essence in Architrave, something amazing and timeless has been released into a world made much better as a result of the beautiful and new colors it adds.

    Honorable mentions (maybe in a particular order, maybe just randomly…): Dominated Swine – Songs of the Dominated Swine, Fine Grain – Cold Dead Eyes, Mount Mole – Flee Marker, Maggot Brain – Illumine, Ferriday – Everywhere you go, 100 Psychic dreams – variously releases, Apostrophe Beats – various releases, Brent Gorton – Quiet Time, Coupons – Up and Up, Aldebaran – Blue Lands, Bridge of Flowers – BIll + Ed, Laveda – What happens after?, Burnt Hills – Slip through time, Eraserheadz – Tales Not to Sleep, Various – Timmy Wiggins Come Home Soon Volume 1, Various – 2 dead hummingbirds presents, Machine REvival – Pulse Decay Time, Matthe D. Gantt – Diagnostics, Joe Taurone – Just Joe Vol. 1, The King of Nothing Nowhere – Her words my mouth, Rhakim Ali – Less is More, John Powhida International Airport – Single Feeling Randy, Pete Donnelly – Woke Bastard, Swamp Baby – Water Gods, Mike Hotter – Room to Land, Gay Tastee Ex Machina – Shook, Normanskillers – s/t

    Don’t like our pics? Get involved in the survey for next year! E-mail timesboredom@gmail.com to let us know about your interest! Or better yet, send us an editorial all about your favorite band and why they should’ve won. If it’s grammatically correct, poignant, or funny enough we’ll publish it!

    Interview with Grace Annunziato of Lone Phone Booth

    Ipolito, our resident biggest fan of local experimental indie noise project/”gay uncle core” performers Lone Phone Booth (though the rest of us are fans too!) sat down (on the internet) with Grace Annunziato of the group recently to talk about how the pandemic is affecting music, what their writing and recording process is like, and random stuff about, um, corn. Here’s what they came up with.

    Ipolito Terentjia (IT): So how are you enjoying the pandemic so far?

    Grace Annunziato (GA): ha; i talked a lot before the pandemic about how i wished everything would stop, or at least slow down; i have learned to be more careful what i wish for,there have been some great aspects that have come with it like introspection, focus on my meditation practices, and connecting more deeply with the earth and with my priorities. obviously none of that is worth the toll it has taken! my plans have been shaken up and i forget how to be around people. but i am lucky to have gotten through it relatively unscathed. & it has definitely changed my creative process lots.

    IT: Have you been making more music as a result or has it prevented that?

    GA: DEFINITELY less music. for months at the beginning it just seemed so silly to write a little song with a pandemic and civil rights movement in full swing. now it’s just harder to get the motivation, but i’ve been finding ways around that. i also love writing about places and experiences which are hard to come by in a pandemic.

    IT: I know what you mean. I think a lot of local musicians are feeling that way. Do you live in the capital district?

    GA: i do! i live in albany.

    IT: How long have you lived here? I think I read something about one of your recordings being at St Rose. Did you go to school there?

    GA: i moved here for college in 2016. yeah, i went to saint rose! I graduated May 2020. meaning i finished school virtually. i had planned some long form travel after graduation but wound up sticking around, which has been a blessing in disguise.

    IT: Did you study music there?

    GA: I studied music industry, so a combination of music tech, business, and performance. i mostly focused on the tech side. i love engineering and production work.

    IT: I guess that means you learned a lot about recording. Can you tell us about your recording process and methods?

    GA: i usually start with guitar parts, at least i have in the past. once i have the guitar and vocals down i’ll add other instruments. after that is the really fun part, adding samples and field recordings, synths, effects, etc. that part probably takes the most time.

    lately though, i’ve been switching it up a little. usually now I’ll start with a sample or field recording and build on that sound; i try to make it the focal point rather than the background. Then I’ll layer guitar, vocals, keys, whatever, on top of that.

    i have a little portable stereo recorder i’ve been bringing on hikes. that has been the basis for a lot of music recently. then i just add sounds that feel like they fit the time and place i recorded.

    IT: Do you record at home or in a studio?

    GA: both! the studio when i was at st rose, now just at home. i’d love to get back in the studio when i have something ready that could use a hi-fi recording.

    RE/SOUND needed that clean studio sound! but for more ambient stuff like i’ve been into lately i honestly love the lofi sound of recording at home on my busy street.

    IT: Switching to the business side since you said you also studied that, I assume you’ve been self releasing recordings thus far. Have you spoken with or been approached by any local or big record labels? Or do you always see yourself doing things the DIY way and releasing and promoting independently?

    GA: i’ve worked with the angels at bee side cassettes and talked with five kill a bit too. i’ve never been approached by a bigger label, but i have been ignored by a few! hahah.

    despite having studied it, the business side of things has always made me feel icky. promotion is not my thing. i would rather self release and have only a few people hear it than have a huge release that feels inauthentic.

    IT: The ‘who are your major influences’ question is a tired old cliche that signals a lack of imagination on the part of the interviewer. Who are you major influences?

    GA: Mirah has affected me since I was a kid. Frankie Cosmos and Girlpool and a lot of straight white emo bands helped me get started. William Basinski and other minimalist composers like Philip Glass, Emily Sprague. The trees that live on my street. And how the light moves around my apartment throughout the day!

    Anyone who can combine noise and music, too- Ylayali, spirit of the beehive, the books, etc

    IT: That’s a lot of stuff I’ve never heard of. I’ll have to do some background research and put the record buying on Times Boredom’s dime!

    GA: sounds like a great plan!!!

    IT: What genre, if any, would you say your music could be classified as?

    GA: gay

    for real, i don’t know how to answer that! somewhere in the alternative umbrella. for now i’ll go with gay uncle core.

    IT: A lot of people are saying that indie rock, like rock music in general, has become stale and unexciting. So if you could save Courtney Barnett, Waxahatchee, or the band Real Estate, who would you let drown first and why?

    GA: bye bye, real estate!
    i’ve covered waxahatchee and courtney barnett is the primordial ooze that my hairstyle was birthed from.

    IT: So I’d like to ask you about live performances before I forget. Where have you played in the Capital District? Anywhere you’d like to play? Have you ever toured and/or are you planning to?

    GA: i’ve played basements and living rooms all across the capital district! and i have done a small tour in the northeast US. next year i am moving into a van so i will sort of be touring all the time. i’d love to play in the southwest US just because it’s where i’d love to explore.

    i would be ecstatic to play in any sweaty basement with my friends in it

    IT: So several of the other writers here at Times Boredom wanted me to tell you how much they love your music and especially your latest album ‘RE/SOUND’. It plays around TB HQ pretty much non-stop. What we all most want to know most is, do you plan to stick around the Capital District? Can we hope to hear more from you and see live performances in the near and/or not to distant future?

    GA: wow, i really appreciate that! seriously, it means a lot!! and it honestly depends on how COVID goes. i’ve been wanting to travel for a while. I hope to leave albany in the fall as long as everyone who wants a vaccine has one by then. hopefully i’ll be able to play a few shows in albany before that happens! but it seems so uncertain how the transition back into live music will go.

    IT: We absolutely look forward to that and hope you’ll keep us in the loop! Thanks so much for taking the time to talk with us tonight Is there anything you’d like to add before we conclude? Maybe another local music artist you’d like to give a shout out to?

    GA: number one is an email newsletter i recently started! https://lonephonebooth.substack.com/ .

    number two! my partner alex AKA soo do koo. one of the most inspiring artists i know, & in the midst of releasing a series of video collabs with local legend Derick Noetzel.

    thanks for reaching out, and for chatting! much appreciated. can i ask you an interview question before we go?

    IT: Sure thing. ask away

    GA: what is your favorite vegetable and why???

    IT: Hm. A fair question. Although technically corn breaks all the rules, one of things it is is a vegetable. So I’m gonna have to pick corn, since it was such a major achievement of the pre-Colombian American peoples. It’s basically the most scientifically advanced form of nutrition that can grow anywhere under almost any conditions

    I fully believe that the import of corn from the Americas allowed all civilizations, in Europe, Asia, and Africa, to flourish in a way that allowed them to reflect much more on intellectual pursuits because it feeds so many so efficiently

    While it may not be the healthiest kind of food, the technology, knowledge of farming, cultivation, hybridization, and the sheer audacity of taking something that grew only in very specific conditions in the wild yet was modified to make it spread across the entire planet mirrors humankind’s own journey into being the superdominant species on earth, for better or worse.

    GA: that was beautiful. never have i thought so deeply into corn’s cultural impact; thank you.

    IT: Oh, before I forget, Scott wanted me to specifically ask: “GOATS!!! GOATS GOATS GOATS GOATS GOATS!! THEY WILL TAKE OVER SOON, JUST LOOK IN THEIR EYES! FEAR THE GOOOAAATTTSSS!!!!”

    GA: well said, Scott.

    IT: Thanks again and I hope we have an excuse to speak again soon! Please keep making great music! We really love it!

    GA: hahah they’re both good points & thank you so much! i really do appreciate all the kindness you all have shown me.

    No one is making a big enough deal about Lone Phone Booth

    So we decided we should.

    Because they’re fucking awesome.

    Led by a mysterious person known only as ‘Grace Annunziato’, here in Albany we’ve discovered a group that is like our own cross between Tara Jane O’Neill, Picastro, Cat Power, and a bunch of other quiet unassuming post rock or sadcore (we’re not sure what genre this is and we don’t give a fuck) but completely personal and original all the same

    lpb

    And it’s by far the best thing we’ve discovered on bandcamp in a long time.  We say discovered because, even though we’re the most well known and well informed media outlet in the Capital District, we haven’t been sent press releases, IYCMI e-mails, or invitations to collaborate (whatever those are).

    Despite their many likes on Facebook and their spate of low key shows in and around the capital district for the past couple of years, we haven’t seen the glowing reviews and press coverage we’d expect of a group this unusually good, original, and so sincere it’s almost painful.lpbac

    So we’re going to do what we were created to do and spread the good word.  Buy a copy of Lone Phone Booth’s music for the faint of heart, wait until it’s raining, then light a candle and experience a sorrowful and masterful journey into the quiet, unassuming, yet brilliant light of this singer songwriter and their backing musicians.

    Our buy suggestion of the week: Laveda

    We only make strong buy recommendations when we feel confident enough to sink a large proportion of our own vast reserves into a group, production company, etc. Which is why we’ve suggested shares in Super Dark, Candy Ambulance, Architrave, etc. And, though this may not have been obvious, we advised you to short sell groups that made the top of our ‘best of the worst’ local bands list (i.e. top 2 bands from 2018 Hill Haints & Che Guevara T-Shirt, the whereabouts of both being completely unknown at this point and stocks having been unlisted).

    Well this week we have our strongest buy rating yet on local Albany group Laveda. These sexy, skinny kids make a retro dreampop product so authentic we’re surprised it didn’t come from across the pond, produced by Kevin Shields himself. Furthermore, we’ve been assured by multiple sources that the retro-shoegaze movement in Williamsburg is still going strong and didn’t end with A Place to Bury Strangers all those years ago.

    Since we’ve never steered you wrong before, we suggest you take our advice and buy a healthy chunk of Laveda (LVD NASDAQ).

    lav2
    Just look at these photos, these kids could be 90’s Calvin Klein models! More importantly, go listen to their new album What Happens Next. You won’t be dissappointed.

    10 Worst Local Bands of 2019!

    Despite our negativity and cynicism, we must admit that 2019 was a banner year for original innovative music in the Capital District! So many great groups came to our attention, so many collaborations, so many disparate organizations (record labels, promoters, venues) working tirelessly to bring us all the good stuff we’ve come to find out about over the past couple of years as more and more original groups come to the forefront and receive the attention they deserve! So it’s no surprise then that our survey this year was extremely diverse; out of nearly 300 votes, over 120 groups were voted for! Which means only those that received the most votes from the most people got in. So if your band isn’t included, rest assured it’s likely that you were either mentioned or nearly made it. An insane list of everyone voted for is mentioned at the bottom for exploitative purposes. However, only a few lucky groups can be the best of the worst, so if you’re mentioned below, lots of people have seen and enjoyed your performances and/or records in 2019!

    All links are to bandcamp sites because bandcamp is FUCKING AWESOME as far as we know; the Spotify of independent music with no ads ever. If you haven’t been there, visit every single one of these bands’ (and any other local band you like’s probably there) pages today! Oh how I wish we could be sponsored by Bandcamp.com

    10. The Abyssmals

    abyMaking their first appearance here on Times Boredom, we’ve long been fans of this campy 60s era sounding hip retro-rock and roll quintet from Schenectady. I mean, they’ve been making music and performing only since the 2010’s (far as we know), but if you heard them without knowing anything about them you’d be certain they were a hip underground L.A. garage band or British Invasion rockers from the 1960s. And given their traditional rock and roll vibes, surf guitar, and highly stylized vocals covered in reverb and delay, it’s obvious that’s the sound they’re going for. Husband and wife team Jarpon and Muffy Reyes makeup the most visible and essential part of this band, with all band members other than Muffy decked out in black leather and sunglasses. Muffy is a master of costumes and performance flair, almost in stark contrast to the cooler than cool stances of the rest of this rockin band.

    9. Sky Furrows

    sfThey’ve done it again. An incredibly innovative group that sounds pretty much like no other and has yet to play much outside of Saratoga Springs has made the top ten list of original local bands. This old school indie rock (think Pell Mell meets Minutemen… if you know who either of them are or SHIT ABOUT SHIT!) band is fronted by the Capital Region’s very own punk rock poetess Karen Schoemer. No melodies interfere with this frontwoman’s evocative sing-speak style that reminds one of Patti Smith and Kim Gordon, but whose poetry is far better and more interesting than either one (in our humble opinion). Off the cuff tales of all male bands debating the first woman to “force her way into SST records” are mixed into a stream of consciousness of magical descriptions of everyday mundane appearances with what appear to perhaps be the inner intruding thoughts of Schoemer. Unfortunately, there’s nothing funny about this band, hence we haven’t written an article yet despite our admiration. They’re just overwhelmingly impressive and original, increasingly making their mark in Saratoga Springs and hopefully soon venturing much further beyond…

    8. Eternal Crimes

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    Eternal Crimes has been a non-stop post-punk machine in Troy and around the Capital District for nearly a decade. In addition to most importantly reinventing themselves by changing their microgenre nomenclature, EC (as those in the know don’t ever call them) has been spreading their dark, bloody wings across the northeast and beyond over the past year to promote their new album Cryptically Acclaimed. And for those of you that have seen them live but never heard them on record, you must hear this album! Whereas live only some of their influences come through (because they’re always so fucking LOUD which to us = awesome but not everyone), this excellent new recording by bass player John Gill clarifies their sound and you can hear their genuine post-punk influences such as Suicide, Joy Division, the Misfits, Wire… just about any group that fits said overlooked, cryptically acclaimed genre. Eternal Crimes gets better every year they’re together, and there’s reason to believe 2019 is just the beginning!

    7. William Hale

    facebook_1580413410895So the name ‘William Hale’ is one of those confusing indie-rock type names that can refer to several things. For the most part, William Hale hails from Glens Falls (an increasingly important town in the Capital District scene giving us the Mess, No More Death Stars, Pencildive, etc), and is the nom de guerre of Lucas William Hale VanScoy (of the ‘Ravacon collective’) and his backing band. Many members of his band are regular fixtures in not only his but other popular Glens Falls groups (just like all the other groups we mentioned that keep trading players and driving us nuts keeping track!). Specifically notable players are upright bass player Jade Macduff and the omnipresent scenester Alicia Macier, who plays the unusual instruments of rock violin and sometimes even the accordion all over the Glens Falls scene. William and his crew of misfits have also done several shows as ‘William Hate’, a dark and violent character that syncs up well with his more recent, grittier look. He and his crew have also gone under other names, like the Ravacon collective and, um… to be honest we can’t quite sort it out — Lucas, if someone’s told you about this article and you’re not busy, send us an e-mail and we’ll do an interview to sort all this out. Our readers desperately want to understand what all these names and collectives represent!

    6. Haley Moley

    facebook_1580414769880Once again Ballston Spa’s Haley Moley have blanketed the Capital district in many performances and new songs that we’re told will soon be released as a new album. Their members have also been involved in several other projects, including Sinkcharmer, Che Guevara T-Shirt (huh?), and Architrave. And of course, that’s what earns you points when it comes to this survey. You gotta make yourself known, see? Get yourself out there. Join a hundred bands! Make friends with cool people! Play synthesizers and indie rock and dance and disco and darkwave and never play the same place twice! That’s how Haley Moley keeps doing it, and that’s how you can too! That and they’re incredibly talented, write really cool unique songs, and are constantly active artistically (yeah, sorry, the whole ‘learn 3 chords and go out and rock’ does not incredible bands often make). Must never be a dull moment when you’re in this band.  And as soon as there is, chances are a new song that features diverse genres and the defining in-depth, soft and dark alto vocals of lead singer Jennifer Coleman as well as often 2 or 3 other members of the band will soon emerge to challenge and bemuse you!

    5. Thinner Friends

    thfr

    This trio of super hip scenesters Madeline Darby, Gary Ziroli, and Shane Sanchez just recently came upon the scene. But apparently they’ve been blowing everyone away with the eclectic combination of their diverse styles brought seamlessly together. Like I said, scene points, amirite? Actually, I’m not. Truth is that the individual idiosyncratic musical appetites this trio brings together with deference not only to the Gestalt but to each other’s style and the intricate yet fluid sharing of the spotlight makes for a semblance of signal to noise ratios that given the electronic flow charts in seemingly new forms of measurements equals INTENSE ROCK AND AUDIENCE STUPEFACTION! Yeah, seriously. Go see this group if you get a chance. You will NOT be sorry. Sounds like nothing else.

    4. Architrave

    facebook_1580414568526A stripped down version of Haley Moley or an additive version of Sinkcharmer?  One can’t help but be reminded of those two acts considering that Architrave is composed of husband and wife superlative musical team Paul and Jen Coleman. Yup. More scene points! These kids and the super dark kids take them all, I swear. Building on the sounds that made Sinkcharmer a huge local star within a year of his bursting on the scene, Architrave continues in the less band is more electronic noise and danceable vibe of an inimitable stable of vocals with depth and mystique and electronic devices.  The setup is intimidating, the electronics on time and ultra clear, the sounds entrancing and mesmerizing… and this is just a recently inspired collaborative project from these prolific writer/performers still in development!

    3. Mr. Cancelled

    facebook_1580415097236(Photo by Tessia Bekelja)

    Thanks solely and completely to our promotional efforts, Mr. Cancelled has surged up the chart this year 4 positions to number 3! Well that and their recently released album awesome album Every Town Has Its Dolls, constant performances, and of course association with the cool superdark scene. It’s true that everytime you see these guys (especially self described ‘old guy’ frontman Gary Ziroli), they’re playing their hearts out and having fun. Bringing a mix of pop punk, noise, and innately constructed melodies and lyrics that anyone with any taste can sing along to, Mr. Cancelled rocks the local scene like a cooked turkey on fire falling off an airplane with a soda for screaming into!

    2. Blood Blood Blood

    bbb

    Oddly enough, in addition to Mr. Cancelled above, Blood Blood Blood (which shares members with Mr. Cancelled) is one of the few groups to really climb up the chart from last year. Once it was revealed that they were, in fact, the Olson twins, a large amount of unwanted notoriety and popularity faced them everywhere they went. Which honestly is quite impressive for a darkwave industrial death-lectronic group. There aren’t many towns where electronic groups with horror inspired lyrics over gothic almost gloomcore synths and distorted beats are known and loved above nearly all other original local acts. Probably says something about our area. Something, dare I say… Super Dark?!!

    1. White Devil and the 666

    a2755740404_16Anyone who saw White Devil (aka E.S. Cormac of the Hill Haints) the first time he played solo at Pauly’s Hotel knew he was gonna turn the entire local scene upside down! And the addition of the 666 (aka Black Jack Cassidy of Moon Worship and Kevin Johnston of Sisterhood of Sleep) brought this insane blues duo from outer space (and Texas) to the pinnacle of dark and frighteningly entertaining performance art in the Capital District. And based on their increasingly confident and wild performances of down home authentic way-down-in-the-delta blues (from Albany, Schenectady and Troy, the fertile delta of authentic imitation insane bluesbilly jams), we’re guessing they’re gonna be around to level this town until it can’t take no more. Congratulations, WHITE DEVIL AND THE 666 (you’re just gonna have to imagine a bunch of reverb and that guy that says ‘SUNDAY SUNDAY SUNDAY’s voice saying this in your head since we haven’t figured out how to embed sound files yet)!  YOU KICKED ALL OUR ASSES!!!!

     

    Runners Up (all the terribly great groups that didn’t make the collective top ten but were loved enough to be part of somebody’s top ten):

    Pony in the Pancake Candy Ambulance belle skinner burly Laveda Mystery Girl Steve Hammond and his rabid children Che Guevara T-Shirt Hill Haints jagaloons Madeline Darby Motorbike pencildive Scum Couch Sinkcharmer Bear Grass Chief Comrade Nixon Home Body Safety Meeting Bare Mattress Bruiser and Bicycle Brule Country Bad Boys Coal Palace Kings dark honey dirt church dryer electric turtle fine grain Geoff Gorden goat sausage Haunted Cat kid vicious Leap the Dips Mountain Carol no more death stars Onlyness prince daddy and the hyena Slaughterhouse Chorus the machine Ugly Muppets Wet Specimens a judgemental swarm of bees ampevene andrew mirabile another michael avenue a bad mothers bendt born dying buried alive burnt hills Chloroform Party chris neuman cindy cane Fat Poodle Fossergrim fringe history frozen heads Fucking Christ Galene Gay Tastee Girl Blue Girth Control Greens Horse Apples Joan Kelsey’s Silver Lining Johnny Booth Lemon of Choice Lone PhoneBooth Male Patterns Matt Griffin Band Neighborhood of make believe Nickopotomus Parashi Pink Nois Postage Project Kate Ramblers Home Rambutan Scavengers Senior Living Sisterhood of Sleep Spirt of Violence stellar young the erotics the non-compliants the sea the sea thinking Tiki Bats Tom Atkins useless cans vice grip Zan & the Winter Folk Zeffler grabass cowboys blue ranger paradisa wove ciarra fragale corry loveday drank the gold tambourelli and her supertrips Dead Tooth Hasty Page Moribund Muzzle Lords NXNES Rechorduroys

    Requiem for the 2000 teens. The end?

    So here it is. The end of an era. Some have called it the golden era. Others have said it was a bunch of shit. Some old asshole said this shit stank way worse than the shit that came before it, which was much less stinky than the shit that came before it, which was the stinkiest most terrible shit of all (the eighties. no wait, the seventies? how far back did we go there?).

    We’ve just been notified that a lot of shit’s about to go down before the new decade begins. Bands are breaking up, clubs are closing down, shit’s being flushed. But new bands are forming, new clubs opening, old closed shitholes are rebranding themselves, hiring new booking agents, younger, weirder bartenders, with even more shockingly disgusting hair and facial accessories…

    Before that happens though, we’d just like to take a moment to lament the past. There were great moments, some great music, some great shows and great friends. But there was a lot of shit too. Like your band. Face it dude, you guys sucked.

    And well, of course, we must take our share of the blame. We could’ve been funnier. Like, a lot funnier. I mean, we were barely funny at all! People just came here to see their band mentioned. Then they shared it on facebook and pretended it was funny so people would read about their band. And then maybe their friend’s band. And then their collective of bands or music or shows or scenes or what the fuck ever. It was so fucking funny. We laughed so fucking hard…

    But today we’re not laughing. Because the joke was on us; the real laughs people got were at our expense. Like; ‘how could this be that much less funny then Hard Times all the time? They’ve got to at least make one or two jokes that make me chuckle. And they just say weirder and stupider shit all the time, getting worse and worse! What the fuck? It’s just that bad it’s funny as fuck dude. You gotta read this shit.’

    And so, as we admit to ourselves that we’re about as funny as fucking Mormons, we will finally be signing over our site to the local chapter of the Biden for President group of sites. That’s right. Joe Biden; he’s, um… he’s not so bad. Once you don’t see him or hear him speak for a while… He’s, uh, got some entertainment value…

    NO! It’s not true! Donald Trump is a huge piece of shit, but he’s comedy gold! We will not let his reign end, lest we all die of boredom and contentedness and, um, everything in the world going better!! Chaos is way more fun!

    And we’re gonna write some funny stories about bands you’ve really never heard of! Bands that have never played out, and never will! And you’re gonna read about them and say, what the fuck?! I’m in that band! I have to share this with my friends!

    And in the 20s, we’re gonna use that anti-comedy formula to get mentioned over and over until people BELIEVE that we’re funny! It’s like all the music on the radio; it’s fucking garbage! But all the kids are listening to it, just like they always have, and somehow they’ve convinced themselves that shit is gold! And we can do it too! We just need you to believe in us! Well, not that actually. We need you to share our stories! We need the hype! We need to spread the shit all over the walls, all over the facebook, and all over the internet! And that’s how the 20s are gonna be! A con man’s paradise of cons! The one that will never end!

    Phew. For a second there I thought we were actually gonna have to write about how great Biden is. Turns out we can just keep shitting where we eat, because, hell, we don’t make any money anyway. And we don’t run on views, we don’t exist based on popularity, we do and say whatever the fuck we want, and you either slurp it up or stop reading and it doesn’t make any difference at all to anyone anyway.

    And you can expect us to continue not to matter in the next decade. Though our bands break up and our clubs fall down, we’ll make new bands and play sheltered under new awnings that have yet to collapse. Though our scene falls apart from infighting and people that stop fucking and start telling each other to kill themselves or brag about how much better their new lovers are, we will love again! Though people say we’re not as funny as we were and even then we always sucked, we shall suck again!

    We’re looking forward to the 2020s and all the new music and noise it’ll bring. We hope you’ll join us. But if not, go fuck yourselves. Seriously. Times Boredom without end!