Times Boredom has been rightfully criticized for the past few months over the format of its reviews. The consensus is that all reviews contain far too much exposition (often taking 3 or 4 paragraphs to even begin to review the record) as well as adding far too many personal anecdotes and inside jokes that no one seems to understand.
Therefore, as Editor In Chief, from now on I will be writing a foreword to every album review that contains both extraneous exposition and way more personal anecdotes and inside jokes. In addition, I may just ramble on about nothing in particular, so long as it has to do with music that is somehow related to the review in no other respect than that it is considered music.
We don’t give a damn about our reputation. We work very hard to provide everything here to our readers completely free, and therefore believe we’re entitled to a little leeway in terms of how we do things here. We dance about architecture, and the artist (by which we mean the writer) is ALWAYS present and makes their presence KNOWN. Our apologies if this bores you; if you’ve read any of our other articles no doubt you’re aware that we are pretentious, artsy, old, and cantankerous. DJ THINK NOISE is not just a character to us. He embodies the spirit of our 5 year blog thingy. Also he’s my dad. Or my grandpa? My lineage is highly suspect ever since that situation in the steppes of Poland and Germany between the Himalayas and the Andes.
That being said, I’m kidding. I won’t write pre-ambles to any review, however, I will encourage all of our writers to do so. Beware those of you that criticize the criticizers; we’re just the kind of ne’er do wells that will take that criticism as an invitation to make our prose even more unrecognizable and idiosyncratic, whether we lose readers or gain them (it’s all the same to our many advertisers that pay us gobs of money just to spiel our post-mersh bullshit all over the walls).
If we were to defend ourselves, we’d begin by noting that very few, if any, of us are professional writers or ever have been. Our Chief Editor failed remedial english twice as a result of only reading byzantinely worded academic books from the 19th century and refusing the F. Scott Fitzgerald or Hemingway they were assigned. So writing, forthwith and the latter forgiving the alder, about Freud’s ignorance of the work of Piaget was judged to be autism in need of training if ever the student was able to communicate adequately through composition. I’m certain most of our other writers faced similar resistance to their non-conformist styles of putting words together to convey the inexpressible things they felt instead of words they were supposed to write as practice and demonstration of the ability to conform. (how pretentious).
Thanks again for reading. We welcome all comments and submissions. Just remember, if we don’t like your album, we may get so hung up on an aside about an artist that influenced you we may not say anything negative at all and have been working on this so long that we just click ‘publish’ bc we’re tired of working so hard without remuneration.
Send all recordings to firstname.lastname@example.org and we’ll put them on our shitlist of stuff to get to but fuck up and piss off the people we’re seeking to flatter. Stay tuned for a bunch more reviews, including the new record from Maggot Brain, Lone Phone Booth, and Asa Morris!
Scott Koenig, Editor In Chief, Times Boredom media and merchandising (buy our new wind up DJ THINK NOISE — says “you don’t know shit about shit!” over and over until its battery runs out!)