Lucas Garrett paces over Familiar Floors on his new ep, but the unexplained reasoning is so very intriguing!

Lucas Garret; a badass so fearless he asked Times Boredom to be honest with him! We’re obligated to oblige.

So we’ve been chatting with Lucas Garrett back and forth on Facebook and we can say, without qualification, he’s a real cool guy. Mostly because not only did he reach out to us here at Times Boredom, but he did so to tell us how much he enjoys our shitty little anti-commercial blog. And furthermore, he likes it so much he wanted to be featured in an article!

To be clear, ANYONE that thinks our diamond in the shit publication is good or funny or even ironically enjoyable is fucking cool in our book. Someone that wants to be featured, well that’s just smart (but risky) marketing, given how much fame and fortune it unfailingly grants bands we write articles soon thereafter (even if we do sometimes cross the line and make too much fun of them). Problem on our end is, lazy stoners that we are, we never came up with an idea for an article; it might have helped to have seen Mr. Garrett and/or his band live, but you know, the pandemic’s kinda put a dampener on that. And everything else about live music.

Anyway, this cooler than fucking cool guy says ‘I forgive you lazy dickheads for not making a mockumentary style article that you just ripped off from hardtimes.net and changed the names to to sound like it’s about me, but seriously, can you at least just review my upcoming ep?’

Which makes him a cool, really brave musician; if you’re unfamiliar with our reviews, we put a HUGE FUCKING WARNING on our submission page. We are brutally honest. And often times this can be inappropriate, as we’re very hung up on the type, style, and commercial considerations of a group or artist. Perhaps even more so than whether they make good music or not. So, say, if someone makes excellent Elton John influenced music, we’re gonna hate it and not pull any punches. Not because we have anything musically or even personally against Elton John, but his songs are bitter to our ears, and then they make themselves comfortable and stick around anyway especially when you don’t want them to. Not to mention the non-diy non-independent nature of his commercial music, which to our stable of far leftist ‘tankies’ is offensive before we even hear a note. And we’re not fair or even-handed enough to leave our prejudices against certain artists and styles at the door when reviewing newer stuff, instead writing as though the influenced artist is somehow themselves guilty of the sins of their influencers…

Point is we’re dickheads. And when it comes to reviews, we play dirty and sometimes even nasty. And our pal Lucas, (I know we haven’t known you for that long, but before you read this review you’d say we’re pals, right buddy?), well aware of our shitty, unnecessarily mean reputation, asks us to review his pop/rock ep that, if his old stuff is any indication, is gonna lean on some commercial indie pop rock (let’s assume none of it’s corporate for the sake of our enjoyment) for at least a significant portion thereof (also knowing full well that we worship only unlistenable noise and brutal funeral doom). On the other hand as we’ve heard and see with the cover artwork, his work may becounterbalanced by a healthy dose of cow punk, maybe some Minutemen style post-hardcore funk punk? Still, we’re afraid we’re gonna say something mean (given our style of radical truth telling) and then we won’t be buddies no more. But we did promise we’d review anything we got. Even if it does hurt our friends’ feelings and our chance of being buddies in the future. So, here we go, and god help us all…

(Please keep in mind that the above pre-ramble is meant to not only cover our asses in the likely event someone gets rightfully pissed and throws the grenade back at us, but also to stop any of our ‘fairweather fans’ out there just looking for a short, cute, funny article to continue reading this one. Are you still reading? Ok. You’ve been adequately warned and then some.)

We usually start our mean reviews by at least noting that the artist and their crew are talented individuals. And in the case of Lucas Garrett (who does the lions’ share of leading on lead vocals and guitar, synths, MIDI programming, etc), bass player Kevin Kossach, and Emmet Rozelle on drums, there’s no doubt whatsoever that this is the case (past bands that backed up Mr. Garrett are a veritable who’s who of talented up and coming Glens Falls musicians). And though much of the percussive and bass work is entirely excellent (as can be heard when either or both are briefly highlighted at times over other instruments as all too short instrumental interludes give way back to melody or during one of many percussive fills that don’t miss a beat) the talent here is clearly meant and does a near perfect job of highlighting the songwriting and performing talents of Lucas Garrett. To make a long review short(er), the band’s tight as a drum. So in sync and overtly professional we wonder why all of these talented musicians (including Garrett himself of course) aren’t making mad bank doing studio work for labels with lots of money (hopefully they are when they’re not doing this). But here, they’re doing an excellent enough job to make you almost forget (unlike most of the other more amateur records we review) that you’re listening to an unsigned non major label release that’s clean cut in all the right places.

In addition to the sound being nothing short of disturbingly professional and unobtrusive, the overall effect is almost entirely unique. You can perhaps guess at influences here and there, but they’re almost impossible to pinpoint. No one’s trying to sound like this band or show off how well they know the depth of some obscure Beach Boys record, but rather, the effortlesness comes straight from what sounds like a long course of study and craft honing over the course of entire careers. So I’m not going to go into the influences or what they’re trying to sound like because, honestly, I don’t hear anyone else’s voice on this record. Other than perhaps a broadly generic though interesting sort of laid back roots rock with just the right amount of funk and latin rhythms to let you know they’re taking all influences equally to make the sound precisely what they want it to be.

By far the most unique part of the Lucas Garrett experience is his vocal stylings. And just like other great songwriters whose unique voices have been relentlessly criticized but appreciated by real fans (Dylan, Will Oldham, Neil Young, etc), Garrett’s is a style that’s entirely idiosyncratic and fits within the unique and original melange of sound. Just like say (and no I’m not heralding influences here I explained that earlier) Leon Redbone or Leo Kottke, the music, the instrumentals, and the songs are inseparable from the interesting and entirely unique vocals of the songwriter. Garrett sings in a clipped, meanderingly tranquil baritone that never reaches far beyond a short range or ‘reaches’ in any way, for high notes, melody, or any other unnecessary accoutrement that will take away from the highly individual style and nothing more, nothing less than exactly what the songs require. It comes off as entirely unpretentious, comfortingly familiar, and yet completely unaffected or gimmicky. It’s breathtakingly honest yet repressed in a way that’s at times calming and at times heartbreaking, like someone trapped by trying to focus on the positive and not get emotional when everything around them may be hurtful, enraging, or just plain losing its shit. Track one proclaims: “The wires are humming/My mind is burning/The world is burning/What the hell can we do?”.

Unlike the familiar, ecclectically professional and straightforward music, the lyrics for the songs are rather opaque and quixotic. I gotta admit I’ve looked over them many a time while listening to the ep, and I can’t say for certain I’ve figured out what any of the songs are meant to say or convey, whether they’re about a person, contain a narrative, etc. But much like, say, early R.E.M. (not citing influences just comparing to other great works!), the mysterious and subjective nature of the nearly impenetrable lyrical meaning leaves the listener completely in control of how they wish to interpret the songs and make them their own.

We have no idea if this is the band that performs on the current ep, but it looks like, just like the musicians and the music on the record, they seriously have their shit together!

The mysterious complexity of this record can be contrasted with the lack of experimententation with song structures, instrumentation, and song lengths. Each intricate piece of each fully formed track sounds like something you’ve heard before, sometimes in a good way but too often defined entirely by droll wit. It’s as though what’s so great about this record is what it’s hiding, but in many respects it’s hiding it too well. The songs are at times even too academic. Studied and well thought out is good, but when it’s accompanied by what sounds like a fear to explore outside of structured modalities and expected changes in tempo, chord sequences, and fretwork, it often comes together as too safe. We’d like it very much if Lucas Garrett took his songs further, as he does infrequently and never for very long when it appears the band is almost jamming, the bass lines holding a steady but creeping change, the percussion going just a little wild… but always, unfortunately, staying within well defined parameters.

This ep, like most of Lucas Garrett’s work that came before it, is enjoyable and even at times remarkable primarily in two respects; first and most obviously, in the breadth and scope of its own self-awareness. Garrett and the players are obviously well studied, well rehearsed, and very experienced in both their craft, their approaches, and the lines that always seem to converge on a central, comforting and familiar theme of rhythmic independent pop/rock. Second, the uniqueness of the vocals and the ‘roads not taken’ in the songwriting bear witness to an unmistakeable atmosphere of repression. Like a latter day Karen Carpenter, the very self-assured and solid songs, songwriting, and never too far boundaries to which they’re pushed thinly veil an underlying sense that, even though he’s trying to convey (to us? to himself? to the world at large? someone he’s trying to impress?) a sense of remorseless dignity and a professional ability to handle EVERYTHING, it’s clear that there are stronger emotional and musical elements that are hiding underneath.

And this second great strength and intrigue is also what can be so heart breaking about Garrett’s work in general. It’s as though he’s so professional and concerned with writing a perfect yet interesting pop song according to a constrictive (yet entirely useful — great careers in music have been made on much less with much less ability) set of assumptions and givens, that he doesn’t realize that the castle’s made of sand. The songs and the instruments could be much more free. As they are, they’re charmingly well written, catchy, and somewhat unique… but as they could be, as evidenced by the periods on the ep at which the songs begin to lose their bearings, but then are just as quickly brought back into the fold of a fairly straight line with well worn yet enjoyable conventions, could be as expansive as Lucas Garrett would let himself be.

Overall, a really good ep in a series/career of good to quite impressively good songs, recordings, and performances. But much like so much contemporary music that gets stuck in a certain way of being to set itself into an enjoyable or marketable niche, if it were to drop some of the rocks, it could be great.

Well done friend. I hope we can still be buddies.

EEP – inefficient recyclers of a well recycled genre

Ok so I guess the only mystery bigger than why a band from Texas would relentlessly pursue a more pop-oriented less experimental shoegaze in 2020 is why the fuck would a shoegaze band from Texas send their demo to an online publication that’s more than 50 feet underground in upstate New York?!

Theory #1; they think that ‘New York’ is ‘NEW YORK!’ i.e. Manhattan/Brooklyn. It’s not. We know nothing about the shoegaze scene in Manhattan or Green Point or wherever it’s centered in the City other than a Place to Bury Strangers had an interesting take on it around 10 years ago (which more importantly was good news because when we reviewed albums for another publication 10 years ago we got a free copy of a pink vinyl by the previous band some of their members were in called Skywave that made me $25 at my local record store).

Theory #2; they’re getting ‘New York’ confused with international American Heime Ville/Hollywood and think I can get someone’s ‘attention’ for them. In which case, you get points for trying since my Uncle was in a band with Harvey Weinstein, however, I highly doubt anyone wants to be ‘discovered’ by him or anyone like him right now if ever again. Also, if this is true (which I’m sure it’s not I’m just trying to be slightly offensively funny), bad EEP! Assuming that semites ‘know people’ in the show business is sort of anti-semitic. Shame on you.

EEP – they look like a bunch of everyday cool kids but WHAT ARE THEY GAZING AT? IT AIN’T THEIR SHOES!

Seriously though the serious mystery here; why would a self labelled shoegaze band from El Paso Texas be sending their demo out for review in 2020? I could understand if shoegaze was one of their influences (since recycling it does seem to be proving to be a shortcut to hipsterdom far longer than any other early nineties genre including any of the many that the (now) super beyond superhip Melvins invented) or if they were taking shoegaze to the next, or at least a new, level. Perhaps recycling some of the proto-shoegazers like Spacemen 3, Loop, or Jesus and Mary Chain to create a new interesting really genre bending electronic noise/noisecore/noise rock element which actually would explain why they sent it here too — we actually do get press releases from Whores. ever since we wrote a fake local music news story involving them so perhaps if you google some weird combination of ‘underground noise rock review blog’ Times Boredom comes up.

I guess the point is that I feel like I can write a bunch of bullshit to try to either make you laugh or roll your eyes because honestly there’s nothing worth writing about this band. There’s absolutely nothing wrong with them. Their songs would be pretty decent throwaway tracks on, say, Souvlaki or Glider. But they are just purely recycling every shoegaze trope, and worse yet they’re doing it in a disturbingly clean and almost anti-experimental way. There are no really strange production techniques, surprising druggy interludes that either disturb or pull you in or spit you back out, or long indeterminably noise passages… Their bandcamp name isn’t EEP.bandcamp.com, it’s ‘eepshoegaze.bandcamp.com’. And as much as their short description advertises their ‘eclectic’ shoegaze, the only real diversity of influences here is that they range from Ride to Chapterhouse. Unlike most groups that take Jesus and Mary Chain or MBV/Kevin Shields as a starting point and experiment from there, EEP seems to start from there, remove as much of the innovation and bizarre aspects that make it most interesting, summarize and homogenize the genre split it into easily digestable 4 minute chunks and, well, even then make pretty boring stuff.

Of course I could have been much nicer about this all and started from the assuming point that the group makes the music they do because they simply have a deep love and endless respect for the shoegaze genre and don’t think anything should be done to change that perfect sound regardless of what critics or fans think… but then I’d still have to ask why they didn’t just start a cover band or make their music, put it up on bandcamp like everyone else and NOT take the pretentious step of thinking their band is so good or interesting that they’d carpet bomb online review sites so much so that they’d hit a tiny bomb shelter in upstate New York.

If you want our advice (and we recognize that no one does nor should as really deep underground critics obviously can’t do to say the least), we suggest you branch out quite a bit… maybe become the actually eclectic shoegaze band you say you are. Or better yet take an aspect of shoegaze that really defined and was great about the genre, like the electronics and production experimentation or signal to noise ratio and how long you can hold it before it becomes anti-commercial… etc.

Thanks for your submission. Good luck to you.

Apostrophe beats creates an undeniably intriguing mood you’ve never felt before, but, you know, you have…

This record took us entirely out of our safe and hate zones, for which we are exceedingly greatful.

We don’t know glitch hop or lo fi beats idm electronic subgenres et al, so unfortunately we’re not really educated enough to adequately and accurately rate and put this record in any context whatsoever that we’d be satisfied with.

However, what we do know is what we hear, we like. We respect. We are intrigued by.

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(above; an uninformative picture of the artist that raises as many questions that you know no answers will be given to as the befuddling nature of the music itself)

Apostrophe Beats is the brain child of omnipresent Albany scenester Dan Paoletti.  A mover and a shaker behind countless shows, projects, and collaborations, Dan’s a guy you probably know if you’re involved and you’re cool.  We don’t.

(That was a joke but also completely true.)

The album in question contains 21 tracks that typically run for around 2 and a half minutes, but there are plenty of sub minute and one nearly 5 minute tracks just to keep you on your toes.  It’s like it’s a feeling.  Not a song, not separate tracks; an entire lasting mood.  Ostensibly about life for Mr. Paoletti in Upstate New York, we can certainly relate here.  There’s something about everything here that includes everything you might think of; from Lark Street where if you close your eyes you can almost pretend you’re in the East Village, to North Troy where danger lurks around but when you’re there on a sunny day, you’re a bit high, it feels like an experience you just really want to have somehow. Well, those and to the sprawling suburbs of Levittown like communities that may be conservative, gun loving, pickup truck driving classic rock enthusiasts — they’re kind of unrepresented on this trek of Upstate New York. How unfortunate.

The genre is unknown to us but we did a bit of research.  For starters, we think the idea of dance music that you can’t dance to is fucking brilliant. And the constant tempo switches, the confusing slurry vocals that sometimes figure in, and the chill out organs and horn parts (?) that constantly pop in and out make you feel like you’re on even more drugs than the instrumentals do to start with. There’s no guidemap here, no straight raving, no glow sticks, no 4/4 or headbanging. Just pure experimental electronic music like nothing we’ve heard.

Some somewhat similar stuff I’ve familiar with includes ambient house, trip hop (more Tricky than Portishead), and early 90s hip hop like Tribe Called Quest and De la Soul might figure in to the paradigm within which we hear this. But we don’t get the theory from any reference points of the paradigm. We are without an oar here to paddle through the overall melange of sounds that comes out.  Some influences definitely show up.  You can feel the 90s hip hop, some slow jams, some ‘chill out’ music for lack of a better term (and that is a terrible term).  But the sounds, the format, are all unexpected and feel almost unmoored.

In contrast to true ‘chill-out’ records we’ve played like say the good Orb stuff (yes there was good Orb stuff), when we hear pretty much any of the tracks on Upstate Daydream we feel both mellow and on top of a mountain of repressed anxiety.  And this feels like an adequate reference point, given the spiked conversations on some of the tracks like ‘The Pomegranate (Breather)’ that are characterized by droll english accents.  But the feeling isn’t one of intentional enjoyment or calmness.  There’s always that feeling in the background that we’ve smoked too much pot or done too many other drugs that we don’t know the names of.  We’re good for now, but…

And that’s just one of the brilliant parts of this album that set it apart from anything else we’ve heard. It sets such an uncompromising, unusual mood that once you’re in you can’t get out of until you stop listening (and even sometime after that).  It also feels like a solo project that was born of collaboration and ideas from just about everywhere; the list of personnel in the liner notes is a road map to dozens of other musicians and groups from the area.  The only one we recognize is the brilliantly talented yet woefully underknown Grace Annunziato (who often makes music under the alias of Lone Phone Booth), another project we’ve enjoyed so much we wrote about unsolicited recently

Incredibly original, entirely discordant and wonderfully experimental, Upstate Daydream defies expectations you didn’t even know you had and puts you in a mood you’ve never been in but know all too well. Somehow. There may be mountains of music like this somewhere out there for all we know, millions of dj’s at home spinning similar lo-fi beats interspersed with an enormous variety of always unexpected electronic instruments and samples, but we’ve certainly never heard anything like it (ok we should probably stop repeating ourselves now.. now… repeating. ourselves. NOW!). At one point you’re relaxing and sinking into the easy chair, suddenly you find you’ve gone too far and you’re underwater and not breathing so well, then just as suddenly you’re looking at the defribillators that just brought you screaming back to life and reality. But it’s ok, you’re still pretty doped up from the trauma and the morhpine. And so you start sinking again…

We’ve never heard anything quite like this (I thought you were gonna stop repeating that!!! STOP IT!!!). But we imagine and hope very much that we will again. There is an intriguing, in depth, entirely original and unexpected underground in the Capital District, and this is definitely a part of it. We can’t wait to see where it goes next.

Alex Hitrick should defend himself against the seventies

Alex Hitrick is an incredibly talented, hardworking, polished songwriter and musician.

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That being said, the music he makes really isn’t my bag.

Didn’t we all agree at some point that the excesses of 70s pop music, at least those lacking a tongue in cheek campy irony, were a regrettable mistake? It’s apparent that Mr. Hitrick firmly believes the opposite.

The songs on his debut album ‘Apple Trees’ conjure the influence of early Elton John and Wings (as opposed to later Beatles which is far more excusable). Some songs sound like that demo you had on your first casio… it’s actually a Billy Joel song played with every synth instrument imaginable. And everytime you hear it you feel like you’re at a phony schmoozing cocktail party and you just know the host wants you personally to have fun reallllly bad. But you want to leave. Really bad.

We’re not sure what he’s going for other than to write really good, catchy, pop songs that keep changing in the middle and are a little bit funny, a little bit campy, and happy in that way that depressed pop stars from the seventies became soft rock in the 80s.  I didn’t laugh.  I felt depressed.

To resummarize and conclude, Alex Hitrick has so much promise. It almost sounds like he could write pretty good music in any genre he chose. It’s just that the one that he chose, eclectic ultra-seventies ultra-polished silly power pop, has no relevance in today’s world and no appreciation by the likes of underground publications like ours. To be fair, he does warn you on his site of his ultra slick seventies pop influences.

Oh yeah that reminds me, he also really reminds me of Ben Folds. But Ben Folds was funny in a slapstick kinda ‘the music I make is silly but fuck you I’m a big rockstar!’ sardonic kinda way.  Mr. Hitrick is reaching very far for the humor.

Perhaps most telling, he doesn’t acknowledge any more contemporary influences whatsoever… maybe that’s a suggestion that he should, you know, listen to music that wasn’t made in the cheesy seventies.

If he wants our advice (which we know no one does); if you want to be a popstar, focus on more contemporary music. You don’t have to go hard rock or metal or drone for us to like you, but more John than Paul for us to appreciate you, and more Katy Perry than Chicago/Peter Cetera if you want to have a succesful career/make money.

Thanks for your submission and good luck.

No one is making a big enough deal about Lone Phone Booth

So we decided we should.

Because they’re fucking awesome.

Led by a mysterious person known only as ‘Grace Annunziato’, here in Albany we’ve discovered a group that is like our own cross between Tara Jane O’Neill, Picastro, Cat Power, and a bunch of other quiet unassuming post rock or sadcore (we’re not sure what genre this is and we don’t give a fuck) but completely personal and original all the same

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And it’s by far the best thing we’ve discovered on bandcamp in a long time.  We say discovered because, even though we’re the most well known and well informed media outlet in the Capital District, we haven’t been sent press releases, IYCMI e-mails, or invitations to collaborate (whatever those are).

Despite their many likes on Facebook and their spate of low key shows in and around the capital district for the past couple of years, we haven’t seen the glowing reviews and press coverage we’d expect of a group this unusually good, original, and so sincere it’s almost painful.lpbac

So we’re going to do what we were created to do and spread the good word.  Buy a copy of Lone Phone Booth’s music for the faint of heart, wait until it’s raining, then light a candle and experience a sorrowful and masterful journey into the quiet, unassuming, yet brilliant light of this singer songwriter and their backing musicians.

Interview with ‘New Wave Power Couple’ Paul and Jennifer Maher Coleman of Architrave

I (Ippolit) recently sat down 100 miles away from Paul and Jennifer Maher Coleman of Architrave and instant messaged an interview to/with them on the heels of the release of their recent powerhouse recording that has made the Quarantine much easier to get through for all of those fortunate enough to have a copy of the album. ‘This Perfect Day’ has been receiving rave reviews from both local and national zines, blogs, and even old fashioned newspapers.  In fact, there’s been so much praise that there would be nothing I could write that hasn’t been written way better by a dozen other professionals unlike myself.   And it’s so fucking hip the beautiful cover of the album is a photograph by famous local scenester Gary Ziroli of Mr. Cancelled, Thinner Friends, and honestly, the best photos I’ve ever seen that he just posts on Facebook for free (he even said I could use some for my band Fucking Christ’s album covers)!

Suffice it to say, this album fucking rules.  And there’s nothing profound or even well written I could say about it that hasn’t already been said.  However, given my personal relationship with the Colemans due to my previous employment as their gardener (before they found out that giving me 20$ to mow their lawn would only make me go to Stewarts and buy tall boys and scratchers — i don’t even have hedge clippers much less a lawn mower!), I was able, unlike those ‘professionals’, to score an interview.  And here it is (and I really think I should mention what terrific sports they were no matter how dickish I got);

archpplTB: does architrave wanna do an interview for times Boredom

Paul: Sure! But Jen is our authorized media representative (I shouldn’t be allowed to talk).  You can put that in your article.

TB: I’m sorry are you the funny guy? no, I am.  And I think TB’s 7 readers might agree with me there. I decide what goes in.

Paul: See. I shouldn’t be allowed to talk.

TB: Ok before we get started I should warn you that this is my first interview for Times Boredom or, ever. I’ve been told that I’m surly, sarcastic, off topic, and I personally offend everyone I’ve ever spoken with. Unfortunately you’re stuck with me because the entire remainder of the Times Boredom staff is sick with genital warts. Especially Scott. His bleeding warts are the size of cockroaches. It’s disgusting and I wish he hadn’t described it to me in great detail. If you want to know more about it please ask.

Jennifer: no paul no!

TB: Ok then! First off, I hear that you’ve recently released a new album that’s getting rave reviews in the local press. Why?

Paul: Please note that I was typing, but Jen stopped me.

TB: It will be noted.  That and that you’re both taking twenty minutes to answer this question because you’re trying very hard to come up with a clever answer.

Paul: Nah. I’m just sitting here eating carrots.

Jennifer: Honestly I think people are looking for content right now, looking for things to write about if they’re writers. I happened to send them the album with the suggestion that they check it out and I bet they had time to do so. (but it’s also a pretty good album)

TB: I also understand that you recently did a covid-19 alonecast from somewhere inside your house.

Jennifer: If only we had thought to call it that

Paul: Alone together….we are what they call a “pod”

TB: Did that raise the troops spirits or did they just yell at you to get off the podcast and bring on the barenaked ladies?

Paul: We did have a lot of confusion about who was “Shane” in our comment stream.  Also Barenaked Ladies suck.

TB: Are you referring to Super Dark fudge pirate Shane?

Paul: YES!

TB: Also you like shitty music so you have no right to judge the super ground breaking Canadian powerhouse that STILL IS BNL.

Jen: I thought you were referring to our kids… when I realized that they weren’t willing to dance in the background we just made sure they wouldn’t be home. They did a killer kid’s album

91175560_3769245263148662_7205005426578948096_oTB: Speaking of dancing, do you consider yourself a dance group or a ‘white dance group’?

Paul: I don’t really dance…that’s Jen’s territory

Jen: guilty of being white and dancing I guess!

Paul: I’m playing Candy Crush right now and I know that makes me something.

(Note: Paul sucks at Candy Crush.  I am several hundred levels above him even though I keep giving him free lives and chocolate bombs and stuff)

TB: Well then are you electro-clash or dark wave?

Jen: A 10 year old girl

TB: Trip hop or jungle?

JEn: we’re using dark-wave this week

TB: Proto sludge or powerviolence?

Jen: oooh!

TB: Ambient disco or smooth urban jazz? Quit stalling and answer the question!

Paul: Black Twee

Jen: vaporstep

TB: I’m gonna go with vaporstep, because ive heard of dubstep. People at work used to call me idub because i hated dubstep so much.

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Jen: were people playing alot of dubstep at your workplace?  that’s harrassment

TB: I’ll ask the questions here m’am.  Which brings me to my next question, which is meant more for Paul. How do you make such decent music when you like indie landfill such as Kurt Vile and um, that other girl I hate that did an album with her… what’s her name??

Paul: MAGIC

TB: Parquet courts?

Paul: Yep. I do like them.  I definitely have a thing for repetitive.

Jen: in the case of Architrave, because I’m bossing him around

TB: That does answer a lot Jen, but honestly, when you’re the head of the Vampire Weekend fan club as Paul has been for three non-consecutive terms, it’s a wonder he knows what a guitar is at all…    Real estate?

Paul: Eh. On Real Estate

TB: Thank god. at least you have some boundaries, as far into the landfill as they are.

Paul: I like the first Vampire Weekend a bunch, but mostly because the production is crisp and not terribly “produced”.  Beyond that… eh.

TB: Paul, please stop admitting to liking terrible, awful, garbage music. It’s not helping.

Jen: We’re both Genesis superfans since childhood, how do you feel about that

TB: Well, I thought that you couldn’t embarass yourself more than Paul already has, but admitting to that…

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Jen: When you get to be my age it’s pretty hard to embarrass

TB: Yeah, well, you should be embarassed.  I mean I love Jethro Tull but I’d never tell anyone. EVER.

Jen: Oops…

TB: And it’s not like Ian Anderson became a popstar.  Goddamn gimme some of that classic rock and roll on one leg with a flute in both hands pointed upward!

Paul: My cousin is named Ian Anderson

TB: No photos please. I’ll have to upload that and name it and it’ll be a whole thing.

Paul: FACEBOOK: EXCISE PHOTO

TB: So how white are you two? Do you have any ethnicity among you?

Jen: Is Dutch or Irish ethnic?

Paul: DUTCH/POLISH/IRISH

Jen: Just… white

TB: Wow. That’s about as ethnic as white bread with the crusts cut off.

Paul: The dutch like to cut off their crusts

TB: Do you think it’s wrong for white people to make dance music?  Let me rephrase: do you think it’s wrong for me to dance to your music?

Paul: Wait for it

Jen: my 23 and me revealed a touch of Ashkenazi jewish I guess

TB: Well that makes a lot of sense. We all know how famous Jewish people are for their ability to dance.  Maybe we could hold you up in a chair or something.

Jen: Will you dance in the background of our next livestream please?  Our kids won’t do it.

TB: Only if you think I can dance. Because, you know, I don’t think I can dance, being an Ashkenazi Jew and all.  Can my dog dance instead?  She can high five and roll over.

Jen: that counts, she’s in

TB: Speaking of white bread, you’re currently based out of Ballston Spa. Why the fuck would you live there?

Jen: I have no idea how i got here

Paul: I do for me, but it involves my ex and Skidmore College.

TB: Are either of you originally from someplace even remotely interesting?

Jen: Chicago, New Jersey, Minnesota

Paul: Latham! ! ! The original Capital District Circle!!!!

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TB: I’m gonna go with Jersey, because it’s the most interesting thing you’ve said all night.

Jen: I came to albany for grad school

TB: So why on earth did you stay?  If you had any interest in making music that is…

Jen: I started DJing here and got entrenched.  There was a great scene back then for dance music

Paul: Well…I left and lived in Boston for years…came back because of family stuff.

TB: The only electronic dance group I can think of from here that ‘made it’, as in, they do interviews where they constantly name drop ‘miley cyrus’, and they’re pretentious twats is Charlie Everyone.  Why do you hate Phantogram so much?

Paul: They refuse to introduce us to Miley.

TB: Can I have some of your apple bread?

Jen: All mine (because coronavirus)

Paul: This is slowly turning into an Narduwar interview

Jen: do you have presents for us??

TB: Would you like to mention your sponsor?

Paul: Superdark? My day job?

Jen: Rebel Reserve

Paul: Jen likes this shitty bourbon I once got. It burns.

TB: I was told you had a 30 second spot about something you were getting paid to promote.

Paul: Haha. We just got “commissioned” to sing happy birthday to someone’s mom.

TB: Please don’t tell people about what I paid you to do to my mom.  You’re crossing the line of journalistic integrity…

Paul: Judgment free zone here

TB: Yeah well Robert Smith called and he wants his early recordings back.  And, um, New Order called and said, cheer up!

Paul: Hahaha….funny you say that.  We’re working up a cover of Procession right now

TB: We’re getting near the end here so I must remember to ask this all important question; if you had to, how many donuts do you think you could eat in an hour withOUT throwing up or getting diarrhea?  And I’m not talking like good fresh cider donuts or anything.  We’re talking three day old pink frosted Dunkin Donuts here.  Who btw the way is my sponsor.

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AMERICA RUNS ON DUNKIN! (TM)

Paul: In my younger days, I could have managed about 17.  Now…it’s more like 5.

TB: Finally, ‘Disco Girl’ was a great fucking song, probably your best IMO. How come none of the songs on the new album ‘This Perfect Day’ sound like Disco Girl?

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Paul: Jen can’t answer right now because her daughter has never heard the F word.

TB: Which f word?

Paul: Finally

TB: So what are Architrave’s plans for the coming post-apocalyptic future?

Paul: Box of donuts.

TB: Jen, do you have anything to add?  Like hopefully apple bread?

Jen: marketing plain identical jumpsuits.  Apple bread 4 ever.  we definitely have to make a song called Disco Girl now

Paul: Dedicated to Ippolit

TB: And I will absolutely hold you to that.  Thank you so much for having me in your lovely Covid19 telecommute. I must warn you that this conversation will be reworked to make it look like I made all the funny jokes and yall praised Times Boredom endlessly. If you get sick you have to tell me and then I’ll have to tell all of our readers, hopefully before this interview goes out.

Jen: thank you!  We LOVE Times Boredom!

Paul: A true pleasure! You’re a hilarious guy Ippolit!  I wish you were my dad, and Times Boredom was my Great Uncle!

This concludes our interview. Please stay tuned for your regular 2 or 3 bad movies that are available to stream on all 5 or 6 internet streaming platforms right now despite the fact that we need mindless entertainment now more than ever! If you’re looking for mindless entertainment, download a copy of Architrave’s new record here on bandcamp and dont forget to pay them tons of money.

Now if you both could pretend to keep chatting with me as the sound goes off and the camera begins to pan away, it would look very natural.

Paul: [LOOKING NATURAL]

Our buy suggestion of the week: Laveda

We only make strong buy recommendations when we feel confident enough to sink a large proportion of our own vast reserves into a group, production company, etc. Which is why we’ve suggested shares in Super Dark, Candy Ambulance, Architrave, etc. And, though this may not have been obvious, we advised you to short sell groups that made the top of our ‘best of the worst’ local bands list (i.e. top 2 bands from 2018 Hill Haints & Che Guevara T-Shirt, the whereabouts of both being completely unknown at this point and stocks having been unlisted).

Well this week we have our strongest buy rating yet on local Albany group Laveda. These sexy, skinny kids make a retro dreampop product so authentic we’re surprised it didn’t come from across the pond, produced by Kevin Shields himself. Furthermore, we’ve been assured by multiple sources that the retro-shoegaze movement in Williamsburg is still going strong and didn’t end with A Place to Bury Strangers all those years ago.

Since we’ve never steered you wrong before, we suggest you take our advice and buy a healthy chunk of Laveda (LVD NASDAQ).

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Just look at these photos, these kids could be 90’s Calvin Klein models! More importantly, go listen to their new album What Happens Next. You won’t be dissappointed.

10 Worst Local Bands of 2019!

Despite our negativity and cynicism, we must admit that 2019 was a banner year for original innovative music in the Capital District! So many great groups came to our attention, so many collaborations, so many disparate organizations (record labels, promoters, venues) working tirelessly to bring us all the good stuff we’ve come to find out about over the past couple of years as more and more original groups come to the forefront and receive the attention they deserve! So it’s no surprise then that our survey this year was extremely diverse; out of nearly 300 votes, over 120 groups were voted for! Which means only those that received the most votes from the most people got in. So if your band isn’t included, rest assured it’s likely that you were either mentioned or nearly made it. An insane list of everyone voted for is mentioned at the bottom for exploitative purposes. However, only a few lucky groups can be the best of the worst, so if you’re mentioned below, lots of people have seen and enjoyed your performances and/or records in 2019!

All links are to bandcamp sites because bandcamp is FUCKING AWESOME as far as we know; the Spotify of independent music with no ads ever. If you haven’t been there, visit every single one of these bands’ (and any other local band you like’s probably there) pages today! Oh how I wish we could be sponsored by Bandcamp.com

10. The Abyssmals

abyMaking their first appearance here on Times Boredom, we’ve long been fans of this campy 60s era sounding hip retro-rock and roll quintet from Schenectady. I mean, they’ve been making music and performing only since the 2010’s (far as we know), but if you heard them without knowing anything about them you’d be certain they were a hip underground L.A. garage band or British Invasion rockers from the 1960s. And given their traditional rock and roll vibes, surf guitar, and highly stylized vocals covered in reverb and delay, it’s obvious that’s the sound they’re going for. Husband and wife team Jarpon and Muffy Reyes makeup the most visible and essential part of this band, with all band members other than Muffy decked out in black leather and sunglasses. Muffy is a master of costumes and performance flair, almost in stark contrast to the cooler than cool stances of the rest of this rockin band.

9. Sky Furrows

sfThey’ve done it again. An incredibly innovative group that sounds pretty much like no other and has yet to play much outside of Saratoga Springs has made the top ten list of original local bands. This old school indie rock (think Pell Mell meets Minutemen… if you know who either of them are or SHIT ABOUT SHIT!) band is fronted by the Capital Region’s very own punk rock poetess Karen Schoemer. No melodies interfere with this frontwoman’s evocative sing-speak style that reminds one of Patti Smith and Kim Gordon, but whose poetry is far better and more interesting than either one (in our humble opinion). Off the cuff tales of all male bands debating the first woman to “force her way into SST records” are mixed into a stream of consciousness of magical descriptions of everyday mundane appearances with what appear to perhaps be the inner intruding thoughts of Schoemer. Unfortunately, there’s nothing funny about this band, hence we haven’t written an article yet despite our admiration. They’re just overwhelmingly impressive and original, increasingly making their mark in Saratoga Springs and hopefully soon venturing much further beyond…

8. Eternal Crimes

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Eternal Crimes has been a non-stop post-punk machine in Troy and around the Capital District for nearly a decade. In addition to most importantly reinventing themselves by changing their microgenre nomenclature, EC (as those in the know don’t ever call them) has been spreading their dark, bloody wings across the northeast and beyond over the past year to promote their new album Cryptically Acclaimed. And for those of you that have seen them live but never heard them on record, you must hear this album! Whereas live only some of their influences come through (because they’re always so fucking LOUD which to us = awesome but not everyone), this excellent new recording by bass player John Gill clarifies their sound and you can hear their genuine post-punk influences such as Suicide, Joy Division, the Misfits, Wire… just about any group that fits said overlooked, cryptically acclaimed genre. Eternal Crimes gets better every year they’re together, and there’s reason to believe 2019 is just the beginning!

7. William Hale

facebook_1580413410895So the name ‘William Hale’ is one of those confusing indie-rock type names that can refer to several things. For the most part, William Hale hails from Glens Falls (an increasingly important town in the Capital District scene giving us the Mess, No More Death Stars, Pencildive, etc), and is the nom de guerre of Lucas William Hale VanScoy (of the ‘Ravacon collective’) and his backing band. Many members of his band are regular fixtures in not only his but other popular Glens Falls groups (just like all the other groups we mentioned that keep trading players and driving us nuts keeping track!). Specifically notable players are upright bass player Jade Macduff and the omnipresent scenester Alicia Macier, who plays the unusual instruments of rock violin and sometimes even the accordion all over the Glens Falls scene. William and his crew of misfits have also done several shows as ‘William Hate’, a dark and violent character that syncs up well with his more recent, grittier look. He and his crew have also gone under other names, like the Ravacon collective and, um… to be honest we can’t quite sort it out — Lucas, if someone’s told you about this article and you’re not busy, send us an e-mail and we’ll do an interview to sort all this out. Our readers desperately want to understand what all these names and collectives represent!

6. Haley Moley

facebook_1580414769880Once again Ballston Spa’s Haley Moley have blanketed the Capital district in many performances and new songs that we’re told will soon be released as a new album. Their members have also been involved in several other projects, including Sinkcharmer, Che Guevara T-Shirt (huh?), and Architrave. And of course, that’s what earns you points when it comes to this survey. You gotta make yourself known, see? Get yourself out there. Join a hundred bands! Make friends with cool people! Play synthesizers and indie rock and dance and disco and darkwave and never play the same place twice! That’s how Haley Moley keeps doing it, and that’s how you can too! That and they’re incredibly talented, write really cool unique songs, and are constantly active artistically (yeah, sorry, the whole ‘learn 3 chords and go out and rock’ does not incredible bands often make). Must never be a dull moment when you’re in this band.  And as soon as there is, chances are a new song that features diverse genres and the defining in-depth, soft and dark alto vocals of lead singer Jennifer Coleman as well as often 2 or 3 other members of the band will soon emerge to challenge and bemuse you!

5. Thinner Friends

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This trio of super hip scenesters Madeline Darby, Gary Ziroli, and Shane Sanchez just recently came upon the scene. But apparently they’ve been blowing everyone away with the eclectic combination of their diverse styles brought seamlessly together. Like I said, scene points, amirite? Actually, I’m not. Truth is that the individual idiosyncratic musical appetites this trio brings together with deference not only to the Gestalt but to each other’s style and the intricate yet fluid sharing of the spotlight makes for a semblance of signal to noise ratios that given the electronic flow charts in seemingly new forms of measurements equals INTENSE ROCK AND AUDIENCE STUPEFACTION! Yeah, seriously. Go see this group if you get a chance. You will NOT be sorry. Sounds like nothing else.

4. Architrave

facebook_1580414568526A stripped down version of Haley Moley or an additive version of Sinkcharmer?  One can’t help but be reminded of those two acts considering that Architrave is composed of husband and wife superlative musical team Paul and Jen Coleman. Yup. More scene points! These kids and the super dark kids take them all, I swear. Building on the sounds that made Sinkcharmer a huge local star within a year of his bursting on the scene, Architrave continues in the less band is more electronic noise and danceable vibe of an inimitable stable of vocals with depth and mystique and electronic devices.  The setup is intimidating, the electronics on time and ultra clear, the sounds entrancing and mesmerizing… and this is just a recently inspired collaborative project from these prolific writer/performers still in development!

3. Mr. Cancelled

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Thanks solely and completely to our promotional efforts, Mr. Cancelled has surged up the chart this year 4 positions to number 3! Well that and their recently released album awesome album Every Town Has Its Dolls, constant performances, and of course association with the cool superdark scene. It’s true that everytime you see these guys (especially self described ‘old guy’ frontman Gary Ziroli), they’re playing their hearts out and having fun. Bringing a mix of pop punk, noise, and innately constructed melodies and lyrics that anyone with any taste can sing along to, Mr. Cancelled rocks the local scene like a cooked turkey on fire falling off an airplane with a soda for screaming into!

2. Blood Blood Blood

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Oddly enough, in addition to Mr. Cancelled above, Blood Blood Blood (which shares members with Mr. Cancelled) is one of the few groups to really climb up the chart from last year. Once it was revealed that they were, in fact, the Olson twins, a large amount of unwanted notoriety and popularity faced them everywhere they went. Which honestly is quite impressive for a darkwave industrial death-lectronic group. There aren’t many towns where electronic groups with horror inspired lyrics over gothic almost gloomcore synths and distorted beats are known and loved above nearly all other original local acts. Probably says something about our area. Something, dare I say… Super Dark?!!

1. White Devil and the 666

a2755740404_16Anyone who saw White Devil (aka E.S. Cormac of the Hill Haints) the first time he played solo at Pauly’s Hotel knew he was gonna turn the entire local scene upside down! And the addition of the 666 (aka Black Jack Cassidy of Moon Worship and Kevin Johnston of Sisterhood of Sleep) brought this insane blues duo from outer space (and Texas) to the pinnacle of dark and frighteningly entertaining performance art in the Capital District. And based on their increasingly confident and wild performances of down home authentic way-down-in-the-delta blues (from Albany, Schenectady and Troy, the fertile delta of authentic imitation insane bluesbilly jams), we’re guessing they’re gonna be around to level this town until it can’t take no more. Congratulations, WHITE DEVIL AND THE 666 (you’re just gonna have to imagine a bunch of reverb and that guy that says ‘SUNDAY SUNDAY SUNDAY’s voice saying this in your head since we haven’t figured out how to embed sound files yet)!  YOU KICKED ALL OUR ASSES!!!!

 

Runners Up (all the terribly great groups that didn’t make the collective top ten but were loved enough to be part of somebody’s top ten):

Pony in the Pancake Candy Ambulance belle skinner burly Laveda Mystery Girl Steve Hammond and his rabid children Che Guevara T-Shirt Hill Haints jagaloons Madeline Darby Motorbike pencildive Scum Couch Sinkcharmer Bear Grass Chief Comrade Nixon Home Body Safety Meeting Bare Mattress Bruiser and Bicycle Brule Country Bad Boys Coal Palace Kings dark honey dirt church dryer electric turtle fine grain Geoff Gorden goat sausage Haunted Cat kid vicious Leap the Dips Mountain Carol no more death stars Onlyness prince daddy and the hyena Slaughterhouse Chorus the machine Ugly Muppets Wet Specimens a judgemental swarm of bees ampevene andrew mirabile another michael avenue a bad mothers bendt born dying buried alive burnt hills Chloroform Party chris neuman cindy cane Fat Poodle Fossergrim fringe history frozen heads Fucking Christ Galene Gay Tastee Girl Blue Girth Control Greens Horse Apples Joan Kelsey’s Silver Lining Johnny Booth Lemon of Choice Lone PhoneBooth Male Patterns Matt Griffin Band Neighborhood of make believe Nickopotomus Parashi Pink Nois Postage Project Kate Ramblers Home Rambutan Scavengers Senior Living Sisterhood of Sleep Spirt of Violence stellar young the erotics the non-compliants the sea the sea thinking Tiki Bats Tom Atkins useless cans vice grip Zan & the Winter Folk Zeffler grabass cowboys blue ranger paradisa wove ciarra fragale corry loveday drank the gold tambourelli and her supertrips Dead Tooth Hasty Page Moribund Muzzle Lords NXNES Rechorduroys

Our endorsement for worst band of 2019: Scum Couch

We know that several of you (as many as 3) are eagerly awaiting this year’s worst local bands issue. However, since we are a non-commercial organization that doesn’t give a fuck what our gigantic audience wants and would rather just make fun of them and ourselves, before we release the results of what some of you (we’ve gotten about 40 so far) think, we’re going to be the assholes we are and endorse who WE want to win.

Friends, Capital District scenesters, college kids and graduates who will only be here for a few years and then move back to the City or hipsters moving on to Portland, the truth is, our area doesn’t deserve Scum Couch. The readers of this particular super-hip avant-garde underground blog aside, our region’s ‘rock’ music (for lack of a better or newer term, since we generally deal in ‘bands’ that play ‘guitars’ and ‘drums’ or ‘synths’ and ‘drum machines’) is defined by 3 general categories; straight/traditional punk and hardcore (tough guy music), indie rock/pop (artsy hipsters and intellectuals), and minor league corporate rock wannabes (3 martini state workers and divorced/separated parents just looking for ‘fun after work!’).

This publication seeks to speak to a shadowy (though increasingly large thanks to a couple of local promotion companies that shall remain nameless — just kidding SUPERDARK SHOUTOUT!!!!) 4th group that is generally ignored by larger publications that actually make money (unless they’re friends or relatives of the writers or somehow got their attention the one night their music critic actually went out to see new bands). This group is a melange of rock, noise, experimentalism, and in general, original, unique, eclectic music creators and appreciators.

0005878990_10And that is where Scum Couch, for the past year in particular, has outshined those of us that thought we were the coolest underground noise makers. Mark O’Brien, the talented genius behind Scum Couch, has a way of blending the most effective parts of the past 40 years of noise rock, experimentalism, improvisation, straight noise music and most likely a bunch of really intellectual academic John Cage type stuff (that we really don’t know that much about and have never honestly listened to ourselves b/c we really like to listen to stuff like the Beatles and Nirvana too much and come on, we’re just being honest here…) into something that is often transcendent, always entertaining, and unique as fuck.

Everything Scum Couch records, though seemingly often entirely improvisational (much like the so-called lo-fi genre) is completely filled with only the specific sounds that are called for, the instrumentation that’s necessary, and the harsh, sarcastic and cynical vocals and lyrics that are called for to be appreciated by the disaffected, bored, and restless underground of the day that only seems to be growing further and further from commercial pop, never to be joined again.

Furthermore, Scum Couch completely disabuses any listener of the notion that anything it creates could ever be or is in any way seeking to be generally popular or saleable. Perhaps the most important barometer for those of us that genuinely appreciate left field experimental music is; could this ever be co-opted? Could this ‘music’ ever be in a car commercial?

Unless our entire society undergoes a completely radical transformation soon, the answer is, for Scum Couch, a definitive no. No to commercial co-optation. No to traditional band structure. No to traditional rock music or instrumentation. No to narrative structure, no to ballads, no to anything resembling what’s been on the radio in the United States throughout its history.

a1879794086_10And yet the talent behind the project is unmistakeable. So many artist/musicians try to achieve a similar sound or record like, say, 2016’s ‘Weak Existence’ without anything near the level of success. This is noise. This is music. This is dreadful. Unlistenable. Brilliant.

a2255135405_10And if there were any question of O’Brien’s self awareness as a talented anti-artist, anti-musician, which is often the highest definition of high art and pretention, his 2018 recording is titled ‘Contrived’, and the previous release of 2017 was titled ‘Ignorant Bore’. Both brilliant pieces of noise collages and challenging instrumentation that titles itself in a self-deprecating manner, knowing that all art and whatsoever be it called ‘serendipitous’, ‘improvizational’, back to Surrealist ‘escritures automatique’, dada’s ‘Exquisite Corpse’, Impressionism’s ‘En Plein Air’..

Dammit Georges you Pretentious frenchman get the fuck out of here!

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“Aww-hhah hah!  I weel not apologizais! I weell take ma baguette and go, but you weell hear from mois aussi!  Je mean again! Allons Eee!”

The point we were trying to make before we started sounding so much like pretentious twats even we needed to put an end to it (and that we think Mark O’Brian was with his title) is that anything that is said to be arrived at naturally and without artifice is a total lie. Everything that is put on the canvass or the record is, definitively, CONTRIVED.

And with that, we realize that this entire article has become overly pretentious in our effusive praise of the avant-garde sounds of Scum Couch TM. So much so that instead of the kind of deadpan tawdry humor this publication trades in, we’ve written what appear to be the liner notes next to a painting for a graduate project in art history or a very poorly written draft piece for an application for New York Times art section writer. We had another 20 paragraphs on conceptual art and musique concrete, but we really don’t honestly understand much of that shit and just like to rock out with a little pseudo-intellectualism and pretention.  Not too much.

Yeah, we suck. And so does Scum Couch. So much so, that, if we had our druthers, they would win the ‘worst local band’ award for 2019. Because they’re so fucking good it’s like they come from a completely different world than the Capital District, a world where tough guy hardcore doesn’t compete with college radio friendly indie pop and pseudo corporate rock for after hours state workers and normal radio listening parents for the biggest slice of the tiny live music going audience.

Scum Couch isn’t looking for our vote. Scum Couch earned it. Long may they offend our ears, our tastes, and our notions of what ‘music’ is and should be! Long may they show a new generation of Capital District underground noise artists the way forward, a way without interest in monetary remuneration, a way without looking to be big and pretentious on the scene by standing on stage and pretending to be better than everyone by just looking at them instead of making music, a way of making intelligent music not out of a desire get laid (because they don’t play football or make enough money to go to Republican fundraisers), a blah blah blah blah blah we love you Scum Couch! Don’t ever change!

Hopefully next week we’ll put together the results of our actual survey for worst local band and you’ll be happy to see YOUR band or whatever band YOU voted for. But today is for our pick Scum Couch, because we hold you all in contempt, because you can’t appreciate what’s right in front of you! We hate you all so much!

Just kidding. We love our audience! See you next week when hopefully you’ll actually read!

FYI this was actually a very difficult decision to make. White Devil and the 666 and Blood Blood Blood were being heavily considered for our endorsement, however, we’re guessing they did better in the larger poll and therefore wouldn’t want or appreciate our lame personal endorsements.

And now, each of our writer/editors would like to make a personal note of appreciation for Scum Couch;

1cScott Koenig: We love you! Stay cool! Stay cool forever!

skoDJ THINK NOISE: Nobody else knows shit about shit!  You make us old timers and our deep, torturous, forgettable local history proud!

Monty Cantsin: Art! Pretention! Artifice! Noise! Rock! Whatever it is you do, we love it! Keep on doing it!

Stephen Connick: Have a gr8 summer!

Nenee Tartaulus: I just came back to get my stuff. What’s going on here?

Anatoly Petronin: I do not vote for you. Sirsy forever!

Georges Robert: I geeve you stinky french kisses! Aw-hah haa!

Errr, just as a note we had to invent some writers and add some new ones because most of our other writers from more famous areas of the scene/bands didn’t want to contribute cause they, are, uh, mad at us for not writing about their band. Ok they’re mad at us for writing about their band too much. And not being funny.  And sending them messages on Facebook late at night when we’ve drunk too much about how cool they are and why can’t we be that cool and what kind of pickups does your guitars have and can we be friends IRL at the mall tomorrow…