Fine Grain: the last long haired band that DOESNT play death metal

“Who says just because we have long hair means we have to play a certain style of music?” asks Jake Dietrich, bass and vocals.

“Well, no one. It’s just supposed to be a funny headline. It’s not even really you talking right now.”

“What the fuck dude? You can’t just pretend you’re me for some joke that’s not even really funny in the first place!”

Here they are, posed like Queen for some reason… also kinda like Live. Remember that band? Wtf did we ever see in them?

“Yeah man, that’s pretty fucked up.” chimes in Zach Karpinski. “Wait, what did you say about ‘chiming’ there? I didn’t say anything! This is all you.”

Despite the fact that the three guitarists/vocalists have beautiful long locks, the drummer has short hair. “Well yeah” says Kevin Bohen, lead guitar/background vocals; “drummers can have any hair they want. Haven’t you seen Spinal Tap?”

“That shit would get in my eyes, get caught on the drum sticks, fuck up my playing. I mean, it doesn’t interfere with guitars, but drummers with long hair have a hard time. So fuck that” –Matt Hardin, drums.

The band often makes use of their hair for comic effect. “Yeah, we do the whole headbanging in time thing, kinda like when we all raise our guitars together. You know, it’s that whole Molly Hatchet classic rock bullshit. We think it’s funny. And if you don’t… wait what am I saying, I thought I told you this isn’t even me” Zach interrupts; “No not Zach! It’s just you you asshole! I’m not saying any of this!”

Despite their lack of agreeing to be interviewed by us because we didn’t ask (it’s funnier to us to put words into people’s mouths), Fine Grain is one of the if not THE best band currently terrorizing the Capital District. And definitely one of the best to come out in the past few years. The fact that they don’t take themselves too seriously means, hopefully, they’ll appreciate this article and not just kick my ass for posting this bullshit. Here’s a link to their latest video!

-W. A. Wright

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