Below is our interview with Gary Ziroli in which he proves he’s funnier than we are. Which is not fair! He knew the interview was happening.
Times Boredom (TB): There’s no lyrics on your bandcamp page.
Gary Ziroli (Z). No. Please feel free to add some!
TB: Your bandcamp page is confusing cause it’s through super dark records. How tall are you?
TB: Do you always sing lead?
Z. Yes. Go figure!
TB: A lot of people have been saying that Bernie’s really got a chance this time around. Have you ever tried to make a scone?
Z. Tried a scone as president? At this point, SURE!
TB: I wanted to call you pop punk, lo-fi, or indie rock, but your facebook site says you’re ‘old guy post punk’. How old were you when you realized you could rock?
Z. I’m still waiting.
TB: People have said that your band is a gateway drug to the super dark collective and everything they do. Why are you trying to push their super dark fudgey recipe on America?
Z. Anything/anyone dark scares America.
TB: What do you have to gain? do you get free brownies?
Z. No. Free Cub Scouts! (It’s a fucking joke!)
TB: I really like the photos you post on facebook and I’m not afraid if everyone knows that. Do you know Che Guevara T-shirt? I don’t like them.
Z. Who does?
TB: keith’s a really bad frontperson. don’t you think kat celentano (bass player that’s also in hill haints) should be in the front?
Z. Absolutely! I’m serious!
TB: Who are some other local bands you hate?
TB: Kurt Vile sucks.
TB: Courtney Barnett also sucks.
Z. Yes! (Who?)
TB: I used to make red pepper and gouda cheese sandwiches for lunch. It’s vegetarian and sorta healthy and quick, but it got really old really fast and I’m sick of it. Now I need something else that’s cheap and i don’t have to heat up. Suggestions?
Z. I got sick and really old!
TB: I heard that you live in a super dark collective house with like Chris and Jon from your band and also Shane and John and Sarah and a whole bunch of local punks. Who’s your favorite bass player of all times?
Z. The Bass is the four string one, right?
TB: Why isn’t it Geddy Lee?
Z. He isn’t?
TB: So you hate Canadians.
TB: Are you gonna buy a Times Boredom t-shirt when we finally make them?
Z. Yes, but I’ll make sure I get the wrong size so I never wear it.
TB: What’s taking us so long?
TB: Serious questions: how long does it take you to write a song? Do you write all or most of the melodies? Are you gonna quit your band to form a supergroup with me? Why won’t you join Fucking Christ, my witchdoom band?
Z. I will eventually quit everything!
TB: Your drummer Jon is sexy.
Z. So he continues to say.
TB: Chris has a big moustache.
Z. Well, you know what they say…!
TB: You wanna get high?
Z. I’m high on life and positive vibes! Just kidding! Life is pointless.
TB: Ok but do you wanna get high with me?
Z. I don’t even get high with ME!
TB: What do you think of our review of your new album before you read it?
Z. It was the Citizen Kane of reviews. That’s stupid. Citizen Kane was not a review!
TB: How about after you read it?
Z. My life is a joke…and not a good one.
TB: What’s in the future? Not for you or your band, but like, in general… when are we gonna get jetpacks and flying cars?
Z. Most likely there will be a lot of soup and bread lines. Gluten free, of course!
TB: It’s been a delight to write these questions. I’m really good and professional guy at interviewing. What’s your favorite Sebadoh record?
TB: I met Jason Lowenstein and he said I was cool.
Z. I just Googled him. He said I was cooler!