Times Boredom too busy to do ‘Best of’ Issue Right Now

We’ve been messing with you for a long time now and we want to apologize. We do not have huge corporate offices in downtown Albany and a staff of hundreds. We don’t even have enough money to pay our writers. Whether or not we write or publish articles is actually dependent on how much of our actual jobs we have to do, how much Fucking Christ band practice we have to go to, emptying the cat box, etc.

Therefore we will not, as we intended and asserted to many, be able to publish our ‘best of 2018’ article just yet. But watch the site and the facebooks, cause it’s coming. We will get it to you. We swear on the vast profits that Times Boredom receives from your viewership subscriptions and ad revenue every year. We appreciate your patience and apologize for any inconvenience this may have caused you or your loved ones.



Times Boredom the last local music rag standing

Yet another local music publication is closing its doors.  So long, All Over Albany…

In other news, we just heard the Low Beat is for sale too. WTF?! Local music is coming apart at the seams…

Following the shutdown of the Alt in September, that leaves only terrible little bullshit sites like our own to cover the entire local music scene in the Capital District. We are so sorry. We swear it’s not our fault.

But now that we think of it, we’re pretty much all you’ve got left now, unless you wanna read the crappy arts section of the local news publications that ‘don’t know shit about shit’! So suck it up and read our drivel! MUWAH HA HAH HA HA! WE’RE THE ONLY TASTE MAKERS NOW! WE CAN MAKE OR BREAK YOUR BAND! GIVE US FREE PASSES TO YOUR SHOWS! BUY US BEERS! SEND US SEXY MEN AND WOMEN! OR ELSE!

Seriously, we mourn the loss of another great local music/events source and look forward to abusing our newfound power.

Dude, you’re playing in Burnt Hills tonight!

Jackson says you’re in the Burnt Hills improv set tonight so strap on your guitar and get down there!


He says they have enough amps that you can double into someone else’s, but you need to bring your guitar and be there about 7 PM.

Oh and for tonight’s improv jam, as long as you’re familiar with your mixolydian in G Minor you should be fine — you know Garcia blues for Allah era. Easy stuff.

Also Grab Ass Cowboys may want you to do some screaming into an instrument mic through an fx processor on one of their tracks so bring an sm57 and a couple pedals if you remember.


Show starts at the Low Beat at 8 PM.  Don’t be late!

Underground Luche Libre Ring Field Report Part 2: Match for Supremacy of the Underground Local Music Scene

As you recall from our last field report, the revelation of this underground activity shook our understanding of how the local music scene operated, and we were determined to find the truth. Tonight we will share what we discovered about the shifting power dynamics between different music styles in the Capital District. The changes become more extreme every year: post-punk, pop-punk, vaporwave, techno-sludge, all battling not only for our ears and our wallets, but our hearts.

We want to learn if this network of musicians battling for rank can explain the mystery of why certain genres are popular one year and panned the next. If these absurdities somehow manage to bring balance to the erratic energy of the local music scene, then our terrifying foray into this darkness will not be in vain.

We left you last time waiting for the match to begin. We were allowed briefly to approach the ring and speak to the performers and promoters. We caught the attention of Scene Mayor/Master of Ceremonies Bobby Carlton, who leaned over the ropes for a quick interview. When asked about the lineup and the odds, he responded artfully as the seasoned politician he is; “These semi-finals always get me a little anxious,” he said, smoothing his lapels. “It’s distressing to see a solid post-punk band that worked really hard doing rough shows over one of our famously shitty Capital District winters come down here and throw it all into the ring. The battle is really for the supremacy over the summer season lineups, for all those good-weather gigs and festivals. And often this is only to lose out to some experimental noise artist from the suburbs that will move to Brooklyn in a month anyway. They might lose on a costume technicality, a chair to the back of the head, anything really! But we have to allow a fair fight. It’s an egalitarian system, really.”

E.S. Cormac, a.k.a. Lord Humongous, doing some deep hamstring stretches next to Bob, agreed. “Yes, it is some hard street justice served down here. Draconian, even.” He and his band-mate and tag-team battler, Kat Celentano, a.k.a. Yukari Hitsugi, took a quiet moment to sip mineral water from matching silver flasks.
“But how else would these things be decided?” Lord Humungous whispered. “No one votes. No one buys anything anymore.” Hitsugi agreed with a sad shake of her head and delicately tipped some water into the mouth of Mr. Whiskers, the smartly-dressed cat on Lord Humungous’ shoulder.

Suddenly, the starting bell clanged. Mr. Whiskers leaped from his shoulder perch to his chair in the VIP section. Bob returned to his place at the center mic. A team of Luchadore battle-fluffers hurried the strutting, hyped-up fighters into their corners. The noise of the crowd and the wrestlers throwing insults at one another was deafening.

Holy PinkSlip hollered across the crowd for last bets and then waved over Keith of Che Guevara T-shirt to help escort us back to our seats in the press box. We asked Keith if he was here to support his band’s drummer and rookie fighter, John Olander, a.k.a. The Big O.

Keith frowned and said through clenched teeth, “He knows the consequences if he loses again.” Holy PinkSlip checked her clipboard and clucked, “Yikes. 18-1 tonight. Says here ‘his energy level was so inconsistent working on the last CGT album, he lost all his backers.’”

Overhearing our conversation, event commentator Philip Donnelly covered his mic and laughed, “Sure, but look at him. You wouldn’t guess he’s the long shot.” Into the mic, he purred, “Well folks, looks like the Big O, is quite the smooth lounge lizard for tonight’s match.” The Big O, a beautiful woman draped on each arm, strolled around the ring in a floor-length, crushed velvet smoking jacket. The crowd gasped as the women pulled the jacket from his shoulders to reveal that his costume consisted only of black silk pantaloons and Persian slippers.
Christopher Brown, a.k.a. The Cipher, back-flipped across the ring and barged into Hans Christopher, a.k.a. Primo Voyager, who roared, “Hack! Steal costumes much?!”

Behind us, a woman wearing a veil and a black cocktail dress and leaning over a drawing pad whispered, “This doesn’t look good for Primo. He’s already on the defensive. And his match hasn’t even started. See, he represents the self-effacing rogue artists among us. The sardonic solo performers. There’s just not enough muscle behind that. It’s too much for one man!” She sighed. “I’m capturing the irony of that, visually, for the Super Dark zine.” We stayed respectfully quiet as she began sketching.

Primo Voyager pulled at his black tights and gestured rudely at The Cipher. “I’m in black tights! You have black tights! How’s anyone supposed to tell us apart?!”

“You’re topless, Primo. And The Cipher is dressed like a Ninja,” Hitsugi interrupted, trying to separate them. “Save it for the match, you two!” shouted Koko, bouncing across the canvas. The Cipher shouldered Primo Voyager roughly and glared at the crowd as he smoothed his mustache.

Phil announced: “There’s Chris Brown, a.k.a. The Cipher! Headlining tonight in the main event, tag-teaming with Koko Chaos against Lord Humongous and Yukari Hitsugi.”

“Don’t say my real name, Donnelly!” The Cipher shrieked, tearing around the ring. He hurled a giant brass gong at the press box. The crowd screamed and the row in front of us scattered. “Where the hell did he get that?” Anonymous Coward asked nervously from behind the broadcasting equipment. His companion flicked a scathing side-eye at him and said under her breath, “Who can even tell anymore.”

“The gong! That’s mine, dammit,” El Gran Mofongo moaned. “There goes my liability insurance, you ass!” He charged across the canvas at the Cipher.
“Looks like it’s all happening, ready or not,” sighed Phil into the mic. “Here is John Prusinski, a.k.a. El Gran Mofongo! He is normally one mellow fellow, but he’s already out of order with a Rip Snorter around the Cipher’s neck. This wasn’t even his battle, but here we are. Not to be outdone, here’s the Big O sneaking up on Mofongo. Looks like he’s feeling froggy. Yes, folks, he jumped and Mofongo was just bounced clean out of the ring.”

Lord Humongous cackled in amusement, did a few more lunges against the rope and blew a kiss to his cat before flinging himself at Koko Chaos.

“Speaking of chaos,” Phil yelled into the mic; “in the other corner we have John Gill, a.k.a. The Glowering Inferno, trying to get the Big O’s attention. He’s asking to be tagged in. Here he is, running a brutal Reverse Sneaky Pete on Mofongo, who just had an epic fail with his trusty Triple Lutz! Hitsugi has tagged in with Lord Humongous and is up on the corner ropes about to drop in with a Deadly Omelet but—what’s this—Hitsugi has spotted some attractive person in the audience with unusually lush eyebrows and—yes folks, Hitsugi is out. Lord Humongous and Koko are circling each other like panthers; this could get dangerous. Will he use his Inverted Monsanto? The Deep State? Are they any match for her Hustle? This is anyone’s match, folks.”

We watched in shock as the scene changed suddenly. Koko stared off into space and tilted her head. “Shh! Don’t you hear that? Listen to the sound it makes when his body hits the mat!” She grabbed Lord Humongous’s arm and gestured toward the Cipher throwing Primo Voyager repeatedly against the mat. “BWOOV, BWOOV, BWOOV” Lord Humongous said, nodding along with Koko Chaos. She peeled her shiny silver gloves off and exclaimed, “Right? We gotta sample that beat, that is gold. Come on!” Mofongo tore himself away from the Big O and shouted, “Me too! That’s going to sound amazing through my Temporal Disruptor pedal!”
Primo Voyager rolled away from the Cipher and stood with dignity. “Pardon me, but this all just…it just reminded me of something someone said to me a long time ago…someone I loved…” He did a swan dive out of the ring and out into the alley where he could freestyle in peace. The Cipher wiped himself off and reached into a fold in his tights, pulling out a small, fragrant moleskin notebook. “I need to go write this down into lyrics for a song before I lose it” he said in a husky voice and crept out of the ring in search of a dark corner where he could write undisturbed.

Hitsugi had snuck back into the ring and tried to tackle The Glowering Inferno but was now stuck at arm’s length from him, straining her forehead against his palm, her arms pinwheeling in the air. They made eye contact. The Inferno suddenly looked unsure of himself and she seemed to share his moment of doubt. “Why are we doing this?” The Inferno murmured. “Any of this?” Hitsugi stopped struggling and dropped to a crouch. “I don’t know,” she whispered. He sat down cross-legged in front of her and pulled a small packet of gummy bears from his union suit, offering her a few. “There must be a better way than all this violence, sound and fury.” They engaged in a deep conversation as silence started to fall over the emptying arena.

Bobby C. and Phil tried to summarize for the listeners. For all of us. “I think that’s a wrap, everyone! Thanks for coming! Thanks to our sponsors!” Bob shouted and hurried from the ring. Phil explained into the mic, “Well, Hitsugi and the Inferno seem to be exploring some kind of existential crisis, the Cipher and Primo Voyager are… writing songs or something…and Lord Mofongo and our headliners, Koko and Lord Humongous, all seem to be setting up to record various sounds from this event to make music…”

“Great. Just what this music scene needed: another experimental noise collaboration supergroup,” someone snidely commented from the shadows behind the VIP section.

It looks like nothing was decided here, no one won anything, and our understanding of the idiosyncracies of the capital district underground music scene is now even worse than ever (though there are clearly many more layers of ridiculousness to it). If it were up to us, the true winner of this over hyped circle jerk of a Luche Libre match would be the cutting, sarcastic comment we heard at the end.

This is Ne Nee Taartulas reporting for Times Boredom.

High Fashion Normalize uses dark magic to get us into them

It’s well known that Times Boredom’s security against the dark arts is full of holes to say the least. All a band or person need do sometimes is like our articles, share them, or play with local bands we like to get us to like them and write silly articles to send you to their download page or go see them at shows. High Fashion Normalize did all this and much more to get our attention and get us to like them…

Somehow they summoned several of the Dark Lords of the Times Boredom (many of who have gone missing for years):

1cScott Koenig was compromised when Ezra Brennan (only listed official member of High Fashion Normalize) was seen disco dancing at a Fucking Christ show. “I say to this person that’s dancing, which is unheard of at a Fucking Christ show; ‘you can’t disco dance to a witchdoom band!  You’re supposed to be depressed into sullenly soullessly watching in silence with the other 2 people who are drunk and want to be somewhere else.’ to which Ezra replied ‘well, I really like your music. It moved me. I don’t decide how I move, nor how your music moves me.’ Cool response. Made me checkout their band, which moved me.”

skoDJ THINK NOISE was summoned to comment after seeing a High Fashion Normalize performance (which included Ezra and a mysterious blond haired bass player/vocalist who has joined Brennan for performances, appears on the cover of and seems to perform on the latest recordings). “Those kids seemed to know some shit! They had their drum machine a -rockin, all their other electronics and their efx coordinatin an jammin the noise frequencies to whack the place out, and I thought, these kids have the potential to be the next Denim and Diamonds! I think Professors Skinner and Martin would approve! What, you never heard of Denim and Diamonds? Ah, you don’t know shit about shit!”

720x405-jim-wardThey even summoned Latino correspondent Jorge Ninos, who’s a huge fan of shoegaze; “Hey, did you just put me down as ‘Latino’ correspondent? Fuck you man, I’m not your token Latino guy! I like this band cause their post-shoegaze noise sound reminds me of the good old early nineties Manchester scene. Has nothing to do with my ethnicity, asshole.”

IanMacKayeHardcore/punk correspondent xxSteve was brought back from the dead with stronger necromantic skills (we don’t even know how they did it but we saw him in a circle of salt, near a Seal of Solomon…) “What the fuck? I told you to wake me only when you got permission to do an article on YBOD! I quit after you wouldn’t let me do the AR article, and look how that turned out for you guys. Fuck your stupid little artsy blog that’s become a little ghetto for your alternative rock club or whatever you fucks are calling it these days.”

In any case, we here at Times Boredom have been summoned to comment. And we are quite impressed by their latest ep Sometimes I’m happy, sometimes i’m sad, but i always have you and the few performances we’ve seen them at. Here’s hoping they summon us to see and hear more!

Underground Luche Libre Ring Uncovered in Troy; Local Musicians Exposed

Recently the Times Boredom hotline received an anonymous tip that local musicians are operating a seedy underground luche libre network in Troy.  Intrigued (to say the least), we followed up on this unusual lead and have some shocking revelations to report to you:

After being given a specific time and address, a couple of our reporters were met at the unmarked basement entrance of a popular Troy venue by a small but formidable woman who introduced herself as Holy PinkSlip.

“I take the bets,” she snarled, tapping the ash from a pumpkin spice latte-scented blunt.

“Bets on what?” we inquired.

“Follow me,” she replied ominously, and led us into a cavernous space packed with sweaty, howling throngs of excited people.

In the center of the dimly-lit room was a regulation-sized wrestling ring. Bare bulbs lined the walls and swung overhead, shining on the colorful makeup of many familiar faces. Musicians and fans we see at local music events were now mingling in elaborate costumes.

We barely recognized Ed of local band Hill Haints. With his headdress of bones and twisted metal and vest studded with porcupine quills, Ed looked more Mad Max wasteland than capital district pub. However, his most noticeable accessory was his Insta-famous cat, Mr. Whiskers, who was dressed in a tiny three-piece suit and perched neatly on his shoulder. “Best of luck to you tonight, Lord Humongous and Agent Whiskers,” Ms. Pinkslip whispered to the duo as a crowd of fans nodded solemnly as they passed.

Ms. PinkSlip led us over to the press box, crowded with local media personalities and an array of broadcasting equipment. We were given ring-side seats next to Saratoga celebrity Philip Donnelly, who revealed to us he has been the announcer and commentator for these events for nearly three years. He switched on his mic. “Welcome to the King Loser’s Cut Out Bin live coverage of this special event, the local luche libre semi-finals! Sponsored by the Super Dark Collective, and Bumpy’s Ice Cream Shop. Let’s do this! Over to you, Bob.”

In the center of the ring, Saratoga scene mayor Bob Carlton smoothed his tuxedo and reached up for the retractable mic. “Tonight! We are one step closer to the luche libre finals, where tonight’s winners will battle for supremacy of the local music scene in the 2019 season! Here are your luchadores!”

The crowd went wild as a line of outrageously-dressed characters representing themselves, their band, or their preferred musical stylings, paraded into the ring.

We were introduced to a few other local characters prior to the ring action.

A mysterious spectator who introduced himself to us only as “Anonymous Coward” was dressed in full costume but says he never participates. “If I’m pushed, I’ll leave. I’m not driven by pacifism, but by an extreme need to avoid conflict.” He provided our crew with a paper copy of the line-up.

sketch-1539965993683(our artists’ sketch of ‘Anonymous Coward’)

luchadore lineup

Rookie Luchadore “The Big O” spoke with us after announcing he’d lost his first round. He confessed he earns his right to enter the ring by sewing costumes for the other Luchadores, and by providing post-match massages.

We’ll back next week with all the details and the match results!

Sinkcharmer says no to a show

“We really needed an opener, and I asked Shane.  He says, dude, Paul will play any show, he’s awesome.  And then the guy says no!”

“I had nothing against the band or the show,” insists Paul, lead singer/guitarist/programmer of Sinkcharmer; “I just had 2 other shows to play that night.  I’ll play with them next time though.”

Though Sinkcharmer typically plays 7 nights a week, he admits to enjoying time off now and then.  “Wednesday I didn’t have a gig and it was really cool.  I ordered some Chinese food and played Minecraft with my kids.  I’m thinking of taking at least one night off a week from now on.”

Ah, flashback humor.  I get it.  Do you?