We’re boycotting LarkFest this year cause none of our favorite bands are playing

This year’s Larkfest has a lineup of all local bands, however, none of them made our top ten super 17 list.

lf(fyi we have no idea who this guy is or what he has to do with larkfest, it’s just the stock photo from the larkfest site)

Therefore, we here at Times Boredom will be boycotting the festival in protest!

That and cause we’ve gone before and it’s usually pretty boring unless you’re day drinking. But then you get really tired and fall asleep late in the afternoon once the festival winds down, and then you wake up really cranky at like 2 AM Sunday morning, there’s nothing on tv… you feel kinda like that cool new Candy Ambulance video, you know? Meh.

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Might not mind seeing Bendt though, since we’re kinda friends an all. Seriously, no, we’re not going! Totally reasonable serious significant political protest! We won’t go until a band from our top ten is on the bill! We’ll take this up with the BID — we’re gonna write a letter and make up signs and… Meh, who are we kidding? We’re just too lazy get up before noon on a Saturday and deal with the parking and blargh.

 

Haunted Cat Resurrects Ancient Scenester Zombies

Wearing a cape, aviators, and a mystic Brevator t-shirt that contained the ancient runes that read ‘Albany boys do it best!’, Drew Benton of Haunted Cat cast a spell to resurrect the dead to attend his new band’s show Saturday.

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“Harken to me you super cool zombies                                        Everything will be alright
Return from the deadly Brevator riots
And we’ll rock out
One more night!”

The spell worked, however, the results were not as expected.

“I tried to warn Drew” says Brent Gorton, a master of resurrective zombie spells that has used them successfully on many a previous occasion for Better Pills and Tender Breasts shows. “These scenester zombies ain’t what they used to be. They may shuffle in, but getting them to rock out is near impossible.”

Indeed, instead of crowding the stage and moshing as in days of yore, most of the scenester zombies spent the show gnawing on each other’s brains, talking about the good old days before they became undead, and discussing current tv shows.

A few illustrative zombie scenester comments were overheard:

“Need get home before midnight. Feed little brains.”

“Brraaaaiinnsss…. argh, how are your little brains, zombie Travis?”

“Urrrgghhh… live with in sleepy undead part Delmar now. Play awesome Complicated shirt cd for brains sometimes.”

There were, however, also some unexpectedly spectacular results of the spell. Legendary Brevator guitarist Jason Jette showed up and jammed with Haunted Cat.  And this frightened reporter swears that screaming Banshee Brevator frontman Joey Russo was summoned and lurked amongst the living dead as well that night!

Sinkcharmer more Secretly Goth than Secretly Canadian

Local Ballston Spa based artist/performer/programmer Sinkcharmer projects an image that is very playful indie electro-pop. See video:


But the truth is the songs he records and performs are more than just a little darkwave, owing more to Joy Division, early Cure and Dead Can Dance than LCD Soundsystem or The Knife.

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Which is good, because most of that stuff kinda sucks. And Sinkcharmer (like Joy Division, early Cure, and Dead Can Dance), despite their goth leanings/associations, decidedly does not.

(Also we only mentioned ‘Secretly Canadian’ in the title b/c it sounded like a hipster reference to make despite the fact that there aren’t really many electropop indie acts on the label.  In fact the closest thing to electropop indie we like is Bare Mattress, who would probably eschew that label in favor of something more ironically hip like ‘Yacht Rock’.  We’re very sorry to have misled you.)

 

White Devil bingo resurrects Hunter S. Thomson

Everyone that attended the White Devil/Sinkcharmer Rong show at Pauly’s Hotel last Thursday now knows the dangers of a ‘free space’ in an occult Bingo Game:

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One might think that ‘chanting’, ‘ceremonial sacrifice’, ‘reincarnated celtic storyteller’ and ‘wolf blitzer’ squares being invoked by the ‘White Devil’ would be dangerous enough, but no one would have thought the ‘free’ space would have done what it did.  But it did, and anyone that saw it will never forget it; Hunter S. Thompson’s ghost appeared at the end of the bar, and he even left a review on a bar napkin:

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In fact, the show was so well received, it was discussed at water coolers all over the Capital District the next day:

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And in yet another bizarre occult twist, made it into 1977 motion picture Annie Hall!;

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Be careful of what ye invoke, oh local solo side projects… bizarre things are likely to occur when you set up your own weird bingo game based on what you and Wolf Blitzer may or may not do…

Hearing on proposed Hill Haints/Che Guevara T-Shirt merger

“We have here today a panel of experts, community leaders, and government liasons to determine whether or not to approve the motion to merge bands ‘Hill Haints’ and ‘Che Guevara T-Shirt’ to form “Hill Guevara Haints T”.

First on our panel is local media master, mc, promotions and all around scene god Shane 0009935449_10 Sanchez.

“It’s nice to be here Scott. And thanks for all the Superdark love. I certainly wouldn’t call myself a god of anything…”

“Get over it Shane, we worship you.  Here in the Capital District, you’ve accomplished way more in terms of setting up shows and bringing out and together  and promoting great music and acts than anyone in over twenty years, so can the modesty!

Next on the panel is scene queen Caitlin Barker representing local grunge punk rulers Candy Ambulance.”

CB: “Nice to be here Scott. You’re a fuckin creep.”

“Indeed I am! Also here representing both local death-a-billy noise band Moon Worship and Funeral Doom heroes Fucking Christ is ‘JJ'”

JJ: “I am going to slowly torture you Scott for bringing me here… Flay off your skin and eat it…”

“Ok finally, here to represent local government is fun killing bureaucrat Grendel Moses. And at the desk are reps from both bands seeking the merger; E.S. Cormac from Hill Haints and k. Sonin from Che Guevara T-Shirt. Why are you guys looking to merge?”

E.S.:”Well Scott, we both played a show together recently, and there was just so much mutual love and admiration.  And there has been for awhile now. So we figured, hey, let’s do an in the fishtank kind of thing. It could spread like a… Carcinogen!”

“And we’ve got a plug on the board! Nice one E.S.! We’d like to remind everyone here to download the excellent groundbreaking new Hill Haints album ‘Carcinogen’ at https://hillhaints.bandcamp.com/album/carcinogen!

Now Keith, why do they call you fat Matt?”

KS: “What? I’ve never heard anyone call me that”

“They do it behind your back. Probably because you’re indistinguishable from your better looking, much fitter twin brother Matt Heuston who also plays guitar and sings in your band other than the fact that you’re fuckin fat. And you’re a total asshole.”

KS: “Fuck you too Scott.”

“I love to hate on this guy!  Can we hear from our panel?”

CB: “Well I’d just like to say that even though ‘People Are Deceitful’, ‘I Feel Fantastic’ about this merger'”

“Oh Doctor!  It looks like we’ve got two plugs in one sentence from Caitlin Barker! Let’s remind the audience… quiet your cheers everyone… that’s better, that the albums mentioned can be downloaded at https://candyambulance.bandcamp.com/track/people-are-deceitful and https://candyambulance.bandcamp.com/album/i-feel-fantastic! Yes, let’s cheer some more!”

KS: “I’d like to interject that this merger might ‘7 out, pay the don’ts’, Scott!”

(Dead silence)

“That was terrible fat Matt. I’m not even going to tell people where to get your new album because of how shameless and unrelated that plug was.”

GM: “Mr. Koenig, if I may…”

“Yes boring old farty bureaucrat Grendel Moses…”

GM: “I’m in favor of this merger so long as both bands stop playing separately. That way there will be less fun, less shows, less music, etc.”

E.S.: “No way dude, we rock when we wanna rock how we wanna rock and no one’s gonna stop us.”

KS: “Yeah! Um, dude!”

GM: “Well then I’m afraid I’m going to have to kill this merger right now. And I have that authority given that no one else here actually does have any ability to approve or dissaprove of mergers. Motion denied. Go home you stinkin kids!  Clear the courtroom my fellow bureaucratic thugs!”

“And the audience does not like this! They are throwing chairs and sodas and bowties and chanting for blood! Panel members are being led safely out by authorities…”

SSS: “The scene will rise again! You can’t hold us down forever!”

GM: “No, but I can right now. And given the increasing trends of even young people not having any interest in going out to see live music, form bands, support local music, etc. I’m quite sure I’m winning this war. Motion denied. Old farts that hate rock win again.”images

Is fun hating old disgusting bureaucrat Grendel Moses, pictured above, right? Are you, dear reader, going to go to a show this weekend or the next to see one of the great bands mentioned above? Or are you tired? Is your Netflix queue too large? Are you using children as your excuse? Will you click a couple of the bandcamp links and spend twenty minutes listening to the great music increasingly coming out in the Capital District? Let’s find out!

Times Boredom knew it was cool first… Volume 62; the Super Dark Collective.

As part of our ongoing series with our own correspondent DJ THINK NOISE, this week’s issue explores how we knew about Super Dark before it was cool.

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“That paper don’t know shit about shit!” exerts DJ THINK NOISE, referring to The Alt’s local issue highlighting the Super Dark Collective with a cover story (http://thealt.com/tags/super-dark-collective/).

“I tell you that Metroland (sic) don’t know about anything cool until it’s all over the papers!  We wrote articles about Shane and Chris the Super Dark fudgey brownies long before they was doing all this music and booking hoo-ha and were just trying to make their own little Brown Cuts Neighbors records!”

“First there was the 51 3rd, than your NFI, than your Benson collective, and now we got this.  But it ain’t nothin new to old THINK NOISE.  I been spinnin and punkin and spittin on posers like Metroland [sic] since before they was an Alt, and I’ll be here when they gone.”

“They still don’t say shit about the real shit round here, the HILL HAINTS and the MOON WORSHIP and the CANDY AMBULANCE and the goddamned super fuckin great BURNT HILLS, so they don’t know shit and they still ain’t cool!  Sayin they good buddies with the Super Dark doan fool old THINK NOISE and it ain’t never gonna.  The Super Dark super underground always gonna be too cool to put in real print, and they can say they know but they don’t know shit bout shit!  Back in the 90’s when the alternative started we’d just shake our heads an say ‘alternative to what?’ Goddamn posers movin in making money on our punk scene…”

He went on to ramble for another twenty minutes or so before passing out drunk on Lark Street around 10AM, but he (as usual) just repeated what he’d said above using a couple different phrases and sentences and continuously blurring the lines between the old Metroland, the Alt, the Benson collective, the Super Dark collective, and some old shit no one’s heard of or mentioned in decades like Flipped Out, Noreaster Failed Industries, No More Labels, Hoex records, etc…  Even we’re not old school cool enough to know what the fuck he was talking about.

In all seriousness the rest of the staff here at Times Boredom is overjoyed to see a real paper doing a cover story about the Super Dark Collective, and we only hope this will spark even more media coverage of the great works they do and the local bands they’ve helped bring attention and gigs to over the past few years.  Congrats Super fudgey Dark brownies and more tastey success in Saratoga and elsewhere!

Super Dark to announce IPO

The Saratoga Springs based production company, media enterprise, promotions firm, booking agent, record label, etc. known as ‘Super Dark’ collective has announced that it has attained enough fame and financial success to formally go public within the next year.

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Begun in 2013, the original aim of the company was to make exceedingly fudgey brownies. “Well, we looked at the capital district market for baked goods and just thought it was all too light and fluffy. There were blondies, cookies, cake brownies, angel food, etc.” says Super Dark founder Shane Sanchez. “None of them were dark enough for our tastes. Hence ‘super dark’ collective.”

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“However, we quickly realized that Sweet Sue ran the baked goods racket in this town with an iron fist. We knew we couldn’t compete, so we decided to just do what every Fortune 500 company that started in the 21st century did; promote local rock music!”

Ever since, the Super Dark label has made its mark everywhere there’s independent music in the Capital District and beyond. Every band from Saratoga and Glens Falls that’s sold a over a hundred thousand records in the past year are owned, represented, booked, and/or promoted by the Super Dark collective. The most recent enterprise of this financial juggernaut is a radio show, sure to become a radio station in no time at all.

“Before Super Dark, there was music in the Capital District;” says local pervert Scott Koenig, “it’s just that no one knew about it. Super Dark found a way to publicize and support local music in a way that no one since, well… I was gonna say Metroland or the Alt but they both totally sucked at promoting good music… ever has done before. And to make millions doing it!”

Don’t forget to call your broker and put a buy order in for Super Dark Collective Stock (NASDAQ symbol: SDCS) as soon as it’s available!

Sun Natives too fuckin cool

facebook_1507910145204Sun Natives — who are they and how’d they get so fuckin cool?

Local government planner/ killer of rock music Grendel Moses is concerned about new Albany rock band Sun Natives. “I don’t like the looks of em.  They look good, they sound good, they play this beautifully textured ambient psychedelic soundscape with a minimum of pretention, and now they’ve got this adorable new female singer.  Worse yet, they’re so fuckin mysterious and cool!  Where did they come from?  I told my people I need all the info they can gather on this band so we can stop them from getting people to come out to see their frankly excellent look and sound.”

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Old Coot DJ Think Noise is also concerned; “So I’m sittin there with all my old buds debating the structions versus the brevators, and these fuckin kids with their glassy eyes just plug in their guitars and start playing” says old coot DJ Think Noise.  “And they just blow us all away.  It’s not fair that these guys came out of nowhere, nobody knows them, they haven’t been around for 20 years, and they rule.  They need to be stopped!”

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