Sinkcharmer says no to a show

“We really needed an opener, and I asked Shane.  He says, dude, Paul will play any show, he’s awesome.  And then the guy says no!”

“I had nothing against the band or the show,” insists Paul, lead singer/guitarist/programmer of Sinkcharmer; “I just had 2 other shows to play that night.  I’ll play with them next time though.”

Though Sinkcharmer typically plays 7 nights a week, he admits to enjoying time off now and then.  “Wednesday I didn’t have a gig and it was really cool.  I ordered some Chinese food and played Minecraft with my kids.  I’m thinking of taking at least one night off a week from now on.”

Ah, flashback humor.  I get it.  Do you?

Local band ‘TBA’ convicted of violating guild naming convention; violent confrontation with local band ‘Mr. Cancelled’ continues

Alleged local band “TBA” was found guilty today on all counts of violating regional entertainment statutes. (See Exhibit A.)

Exhibit A - Pending Band Name Exemptions

In the capital region, bands and event promoters are forbidden from using “misleading or dangerously ambiguous names.” Does this outdated law restrict artistic expression? The public has been divided since the civil case against local band “TBA” was publicized.

We asked local Music Guild prosecutors why choosing a name in the entertainment industry isn’t protected by the First Amendment. The Guild insists it protects the public. “A good band name can be creative AND still exercise due diligence by letting you know that they’re punk, or experimental, or pop. A confusing name like ‘TBA’ could unravel the fabric of society!”

The defendant, ‘TBA’ founder Montana “Mo” Darbiss, tried to defend his choice when we interviewed him earlier today.

TB: Tell us, Mr. Darbiss. You didn’t think the name ‘TBA’ would create chaos in our small community?

Mo: It was innocent! We only wanted to hint that we do all kinds of music! Create a sense of mystery! Will we show up and play all stripped-back garage rock, or Ginger Baker half the set? Or will we only play doom klesmer swamp metal? Who knows! It’s TBA!

TB: But surely you saw your idea was flawed when your band was bumped from events because no one could tell you were there to fill the T-B-A ‘To-Be-Announced’ slot.

Mo: We were so confused! Promoters didn’t understand why we were there! I’d put our name in for an event, and we’d show up and say, ‘Hi, we’re TBA.’ And they’re like, ‘Wait, no one took the TBA slot.’

Alleged band TBA’s defense attorney states the trouble really started for them when they saw their name on a double bill with local power-pop noir trio, Mr. Cancelled. Mo confirms, “The flyer was really abstract and I didn’t catch the ‘Mr’ part. All I saw was ‘TBA—Cancelled’ and I came to the Music Guild for help.” Unfortunately, when TBA arrived at Guild headquarters, they were promptly arrested under the current charges.

According to court records, Mr. Cancelled front man Gary Ziroli gave a shredding testimony. “I wish TBA would leave me out of it. They started this mess, not me.” He had shouted at Mo Darbiss during the proceedings, “My band name was safely flying just under the Guild’s radar before you came along, you feral reprobate!”

He was restrained in the court after pulling a set of tailored leather driving gloves from his back pocket and whipping Mo across the goatee. “That’s for getting me fined $300 for a 2nd degree misleading band name charge!” We will note for the public record that Mr. Cancelled’s 2nd degree charge included community service, with no Super Darks for six months. We will update our readers with the TBA sentencing details as they become available. For now, they are TBD.

-Reporting from Music Guild headquarters, this has been field reporter NeNée Tartülaas for Times Boredom Press.

We’re boycotting LarkFest this year cause none of our favorite bands are playing

This year’s Larkfest has a lineup of all local bands, however, none of them made our top ten super 17 list.

lf(fyi we have no idea who this guy is or what he has to do with larkfest, it’s just the stock photo from the larkfest site)

Therefore, we here at Times Boredom will be boycotting the festival in protest!

That and cause we’ve gone before and it’s usually pretty boring unless you’re day drinking. But then you get really tired and fall asleep late in the afternoon once the festival winds down, and then you wake up really cranky at like 2 AM Sunday morning, there’s nothing on tv… you feel kinda like that cool new Candy Ambulance video, you know? Meh.

caspray

Might not mind seeing Bendt though, since we’re kinda friends an all. Seriously, no, we’re not going! Totally reasonable serious significant political protest! We won’t go until a band from our top ten is on the bill! We’ll take this up with the BID — we’re gonna write a letter and make up signs and… Meh, who are we kidding? We’re just too lazy get up before noon on a Saturday and deal with the parking and blargh.

 

Haunted Cat Resurrects Ancient Scenester Zombies

Wearing a cape, aviators, and a mystic Brevator t-shirt that contained the ancient runes that read ‘Albany boys do it best!’, Drew Benton of Haunted Cat cast a spell to resurrect the dead to attend his new band’s show Saturday.

hce

“Harken to me you super cool zombies                                        Everything will be alright
Return from the deadly Brevator riots
And we’ll rock out
One more night!”

The spell worked, however, the results were not as expected.

“I tried to warn Drew” says Brent Gorton, a master of resurrective zombie spells that has used them successfully on many a previous occasion for Better Pills and Tender Breasts shows. “These scenester zombies ain’t what they used to be. They may shuffle in, but getting them to rock out is near impossible.”

Indeed, instead of crowding the stage and moshing as in days of yore, most of the scenester zombies spent the show gnawing on each other’s brains, talking about the good old days before they became undead, and discussing current tv shows.

A few illustrative zombie scenester comments were overheard:

“Need get home before midnight. Feed little brains.”

“Brraaaaiinnsss…. argh, how are your little brains, zombie Travis?”

“Urrrgghhh… live with in sleepy undead part Delmar now. Play awesome Complicated shirt cd for brains sometimes.”

There were, however, also some unexpectedly spectacular results of the spell. Legendary Brevator guitarist Jason Jette showed up and jammed with Haunted Cat.  And this frightened reporter swears that screaming Banshee Brevator frontman Joey Russo was summoned and lurked amongst the living dead as well that night!

Sinkcharmer more Secretly Goth than Secretly Canadian

Local Ballston Spa based artist/performer/programmer Sinkcharmer projects an image that is very playful indie electro-pop. See video:


But the truth is the songs he records and performs are more than just a little darkwave, owing more to Joy Division, early Cure and Dead Can Dance than LCD Soundsystem or The Knife.

26b00cd1ce4a26f1b2003424d992beda.0

Which is good, because most of that stuff kinda sucks. And Sinkcharmer (like Joy Division, early Cure, and Dead Can Dance), despite their goth leanings/associations, decidedly does not.

(Also we only mentioned ‘Secretly Canadian’ in the title b/c it sounded like a hipster reference to make despite the fact that there aren’t really many electropop indie acts on the label.  In fact the closest thing to electropop indie we like is Bare Mattress, who would probably eschew that label in favor of something more ironically hip like ‘Yacht Rock’.  We’re very sorry to have misled you.)

 

White Devil bingo resurrects Hunter S. Thomson

Everyone that attended the White Devil/Sinkcharmer Rong show at Pauly’s Hotel last Thursday now knows the dangers of a ‘free space’ in an occult Bingo Game:

bingo

One might think that ‘chanting’, ‘ceremonial sacrifice’, ‘reincarnated celtic storyteller’ and ‘wolf blitzer’ squares being invoked by the ‘White Devil’ would be dangerous enough, but no one would have thought the ‘free’ space would have done what it did.  But it did, and anyone that saw it will never forget it; Hunter S. Thompson’s ghost appeared at the end of the bar, and he even left a review on a bar napkin:

hst

In fact, the show was so well received, it was discussed at water coolers all over the Capital District the next day:

office

And in yet another bizarre occult twist, made it into 1977 motion picture Annie Hall!;

woody allen

Be careful of what ye invoke, oh local solo side projects… bizarre things are likely to occur when you set up your own weird bingo game based on what you and Wolf Blitzer may or may not do…

Hearing on proposed Hill Haints/Che Guevara T-Shirt merger

“We have here today a panel of experts, community leaders, and government liasons to determine whether or not to approve the motion to merge bands ‘Hill Haints’ and ‘Che Guevara T-Shirt’ to form “Hill Guevara Haints T”.

First on our panel is local media master, mc, promotions and all around scene god Shane 0009935449_10 Sanchez.

“It’s nice to be here Scott. And thanks for all the Superdark love. I certainly wouldn’t call myself a god of anything…”

“Get over it Shane, we worship you.  Here in the Capital District, you’ve accomplished way more in terms of setting up shows and bringing out and together  and promoting great music and acts than anyone in over twenty years, so can the modesty!

Next on the panel is scene queen Caitlin Barker representing local grunge punk rulers Candy Ambulance.”

CB: “Nice to be here Scott. You’re a fuckin creep.”

“Indeed I am! Also here representing both local death-a-billy noise band Moon Worship and Funeral Doom heroes Fucking Christ is ‘JJ'”

JJ: “I am going to slowly torture you Scott for bringing me here… Flay off your skin and eat it…”

“Ok finally, here to represent local government is fun killing bureaucrat Grendel Moses. And at the desk are reps from both bands seeking the merger; E.S. Cormac from Hill Haints and k. Sonin from Che Guevara T-Shirt. Why are you guys looking to merge?”

E.S.:”Well Scott, we both played a show together recently, and there was just so much mutual love and admiration.  And there has been for awhile now. So we figured, hey, let’s do an in the fishtank kind of thing. It could spread like a… Carcinogen!”

“And we’ve got a plug on the board! Nice one E.S.! We’d like to remind everyone here to download the excellent groundbreaking new Hill Haints album ‘Carcinogen’ at https://hillhaints.bandcamp.com/album/carcinogen!

Now Keith, why do they call you fat Matt?”

KS: “What? I’ve never heard anyone call me that”

“They do it behind your back. Probably because you’re indistinguishable from your better looking, much fitter twin brother Matt Heuston who also plays guitar and sings in your band other than the fact that you’re fuckin fat. And you’re a total asshole.”

KS: “Fuck you too Scott.”

“I love to hate on this guy!  Can we hear from our panel?”

CB: “Well I’d just like to say that even though ‘People Are Deceitful’, ‘I Feel Fantastic’ about this merger'”

“Oh Doctor!  It looks like we’ve got two plugs in one sentence from Caitlin Barker! Let’s remind the audience… quiet your cheers everyone… that’s better, that the albums mentioned can be downloaded at https://candyambulance.bandcamp.com/track/people-are-deceitful and https://candyambulance.bandcamp.com/album/i-feel-fantastic! Yes, let’s cheer some more!”

KS: “I’d like to interject that this merger might ‘7 out, pay the don’ts’, Scott!”

(Dead silence)

“That was terrible fat Matt. I’m not even going to tell people where to get your new album because of how shameless and unrelated that plug was.”

GM: “Mr. Koenig, if I may…”

“Yes boring old farty bureaucrat Grendel Moses…”

GM: “I’m in favor of this merger so long as both bands stop playing separately. That way there will be less fun, less shows, less music, etc.”

E.S.: “No way dude, we rock when we wanna rock how we wanna rock and no one’s gonna stop us.”

KS: “Yeah! Um, dude!”

GM: “Well then I’m afraid I’m going to have to kill this merger right now. And I have that authority given that no one else here actually does have any ability to approve or dissaprove of mergers. Motion denied. Go home you stinkin kids!  Clear the courtroom my fellow bureaucratic thugs!”

“And the audience does not like this! They are throwing chairs and sodas and bowties and chanting for blood! Panel members are being led safely out by authorities…”

SSS: “The scene will rise again! You can’t hold us down forever!”

GM: “No, but I can right now. And given the increasing trends of even young people not having any interest in going out to see live music, form bands, support local music, etc. I’m quite sure I’m winning this war. Motion denied. Old farts that hate rock win again.”images

Is fun hating old disgusting bureaucrat Grendel Moses, pictured above, right? Are you, dear reader, going to go to a show this weekend or the next to see one of the great bands mentioned above? Or are you tired? Is your Netflix queue too large? Are you using children as your excuse? Will you click a couple of the bandcamp links and spend twenty minutes listening to the great music increasingly coming out in the Capital District? Let’s find out!