Local pervert Scott Koenig spent last Friday night (as usual) stalking Candy Ambulance frontwoman Caitlin Barker at her favorite local rock club.

“She routinely picks up dudes here, and I’m just hoping one of these times she’ll be drunk enough to pick me. Usually she tends to go for dudes that are good looking, under 40, and not really fat though.”

But this past Friday night things got very serious when he overheard her spilling some terrifying gossip to a young male model looking dude. Granted he didn’t hear very well between her drunken slurred speech, the loud rock music, and the fact that he was trying to maintain his stalking distance, but here’s what he made out:

“That band Che Guevara T-Shirt has a big secret… and it’s not what you’re expecting…”

                                                                     Che Guevara T-Shirt; what are they hiding?!

Male model looking dude: “who the fuck are Che Guevara T-Shirt?”

“I can’t let on exactly what I know… it’s killing me to keep this inside… desperate… have to tell someone…”

“No seriously who the fuck is..”

“Shhh, we don’t have much time and we may not be safe talking about it. I’m telling you, this thing goes all the way to the fucking top, man! You know how CGT is unheard of here in the US and their shows are completely unattended, but for some reason they have thousands of fans in India, Pakistan, and the Middle East? No coincidence man! The U.S. military…”

(music gets louder and Scott can barely hear)

“counterintelligence sleeper agents… semi-legal extraditions for drug cartel bosses in exchange for… reverse honeypot schemes… classic backhanded espionage misdirection and… oh god, there’s Keith! Don’t look! Quick, we have to get out of here!”

Ms. Barker has not been seen in public since this incident.

However, we have it on good authority here at Times Boredom that all will be revealed by CGT themselves at Pauly’s Hotel on June 9th, followed shortly by another Superdark announcement for Capital District north in Saratoga at One Caroline’s June 12th. You’ll have to go to hear it for yourselves. And it just might save you and your children’s lives!