Times Union literally reports ‘smoke’ in Colonie


“The Times Union has a hard-hitting local team that keeps me up to the minute on stuff I need to know about” says local asshole blogger Scott Koenig.  “I have a friend that works at DOT, and thanks to the article I was able to call and annoy him.  He said ‘are you fucking kidding’?  I said ‘Yeah!  My God, are you ok?  Did you inhale any smoke?!’  He says ‘You’re an asshole.  Seriously dude, a laptop’s fan malfunctioned.  And we had to wait outside for like an hour.  That’s it.  The story should have been ‘everyone overreacts to nothing as usual here in Colonie.’.

“So I knew about the incident before my friend told me thanks to the Times Union site.  It was the biggest story since ‘Rain likely this afternoon’.  Though it obviously paled in comparison to ‘Buckets of urine and feces force temporary shutdown of DEC’ from last week.  Shit we were talking about that round the water cooler for like fifteen minutes before this lady I work with got nauseous and told us to stop.

Also some lady crashed into the nearby Bruegger’s!  Well, actually she just smashed her bumper on the brick facade.  But there was broken glass and bent plastic!

“Good thing I have the Times Union to keep me informed about stuff like this.  This town, man, it’s boring as fuck.  Especially on work days in the suburbs.  And I’m so glad to be apprised by the minute of every boring thing that happens.  It makes me even more depressed.”

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