The coming Times Boredom apocalypse!

Dark clouds gather round the Capital District and beyond, out into
western Mass. Something terrible is on the horizon, and it will
destroy the scene as we know it. What it is, we cannot say. Where
it will come from, we have not been. How it will get here, there
are several options; could drive itself, take a bus, get a ride with
a friend, lyft, etc.

Point is the rumor mill is abuzz and we are all very concerned.
Times Boredom itself may be swallowed in the black hole that forms
from this tragic scene killing happening.

Point is we’re very afraid.  Hold us.

But for now, a word from our sponsors!

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“Howdy y’all! I’m Shane Sanchez of Super Dark Fudgey Brownies! My
great great great grandpappy passed down our super recipe to his
sister and then himself to bring you the fudgiest, tastiest, most
chocolately brownie you’ll ever eat. If you can find a fudgier
brownie, you must be in Moldova!”

sd

“That’s right Shane. Chris Brown here, Super dark chef du jour. We
pack so much fudge into our brownies nuts form spontaneously! But
don’t take my word for it, listen to some of our satisfied
customers:”

mr-cancelled

“I am Gary Ziroli from Mr. Cancelled,
and I have to say that without Super Dark’s delicious treats, I
never would have had the energy or the inspiration to make our
latest album,  Every Town Has its Dolls!  Order up a fresh Dark batch today!”

ygidbbb

“I’m k. Sonin from Che Guevara T-Shirt, and I’ve been asked by Shane
and Chris and everyone else at Super Dark to let you know that I
didn’t begin eating Super Dark brownies until after we recorded our
last album. That’s right, these delicious, one of a kind snack
treats that go so good with chocolate milk did not have any
influence whatsoever on all the terrible music I write or perform
with Che Guevara T-Shirt.  Che Guevara T-Shirt now comes with Kat from Hill Haints and Jen from Haley Moley!  It’s certain to be at least half decent with their talents added to cover up my terrible songwriting!  I’m being told to shut up now…”

dryers2“I am Bobby C from Dryer! You will eat
Super Dark brownies exclusively or I will come to your house, bite
your neck, and drain you of all your red red Poi! No other
chocolate dessert will do! Eat Super Dark or be eaten!”

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frenchman“Hello, I am a stinky frenchman stereotype from somewhere in ze France. I love the
stink almost as much as I love zee vin and zee noise! Have you ever gone to zee
ze Hill Haints and smelled that sweaty noise, only to crave more of
it zee next day? Well now you can! I have bottled zee essence of
sweaty punk rock show so you can smell like eet all ze time!”

hhh

“E.s. here from Hill Haints. We met this clearly farcical stereotype and thought this guy’s a fuckin freak, and here at Hill Haints, that’s our favorite kind of fan. And hell,
if he wanted to sniff our stink, we figgered let him!”

“Zat’s right sweaty long-haired tight black shirt yankee blue jeans rockin frontperson stereotype E.S.!  I made my formula from Hill Haints’ sweaty t-shirts and slacks after each of their gigs, wrung out the sweat and rock into buckets.  Then I cooked them inside of ze Hill Haints amplifiers at full volume feedback for 12 hours each.  Et voila! Ze smell of ze Hill Haints! Now available wherever you vind ze stinky frenchman stereotype punk rock essences!”

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1c

“Hi! Local pervert Scott Koenig here from Times Boredom! I know a
lot of you have been anticipating our ‘Times Boredom says my band
sucks’ t-shirts, however, we found that we could make a lot more
money through endorsements. Over the years, many folks have been
wondering how much and how strong the marijuana that fuels our
stupid jokes and nonsensical band reviews is. Well, we’re here
today to tell you that we are totally sober.”

sko

“DJ THINK NOISE here to tell you Scott don’t know shit about shit!
Shit, I get so high before I write anything I don’t know shit about
where my pants is or how I shit em but they always stink! Good
thing I got the Hill Haints sweaty show cologne to cover up the
smell! I smoke only the finest Northern Lights, and I get it
straight from Scott. Shit, I wouldn’t write shit if it weren’t for
the free weed.”

720x405-jim-ward“Jorge Ninos here. What, why are you looking at me? Just because
I’m the latino guy I smoke lots of weed? That’s so racist (water
bubble from bong sound… more water bubbles… more… let’s move
on)…”

IanMacKaye

“xxSteve does not do drugs! I am straight edge and that’s why all
my stories suck! Can you even remember a story I wrote?”

(water bubble sounds and smoke fills the air)

“Point is, I’m Scott Koenig. And.. uh, what were we doing?”

(laughter from all correspondents)

“… oh yeah, we’re doing a commershal for Times Boredom and we, yeah. We don’t need shdrugs to enhance our perfocschance, we just like um cause we… aw shit turn off the
camera…”

(further laughter at a joke no one but Times Boredoms’ correspondents get)


Now for an actual treat, here’s a link to the new Candy Ambulance Video! These grunge kids are serious rock stars and they do it up super professionally!  This is like one of five or six actual professional music videos they’ve made, and you can find em all on youtube!  Click on the links on the side after you watch this one!

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Since this may be the last time you hear from us, drop us a line if
you want a t-shirt or an article about your funny band. No
seriously, we really were gonna make t-shirts! And if there’s
enough demand I’ll click buy. I’ll do it.

Here’s a preview, designed by our media mogul Jilly Bear;

4de1d14547d581011c35822024817bc2.0

But on a more serious note, we’re totally bummed about what’s about
to happen. But you can change it if you just believe; believe in
the local music scene; believe in Bernie Sanders; believe in a world
where writers don’t need to get high to believe what they’re writing
is funny; believe that good bands stay together forever; believe
that when really good bands get signed they don’t forget their
roots; believe that all the great music that’s made locally is
appreciated and doesn’t get ignored and that it makes enough money
for all its creators to stay in business and keep on making that
super noise noise noise! Clap if you believe! I don’t hear
clapping!

Under their masks, Blood Blood Blood are actually the Olsen Twins!

That’s right, you heard it here first!  The reason Troy experimental electronic noise duo Blood Blood Blood wear masks is to hide their true identities.

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“We’d already conquered tv, movies, fashion design, and perfume lines, so we wanted to move into music.”  says Ashley Kate Olsen

“Right, but we wanted to prove we could make it without just using our celebrity this time.  So we chose a really underground genre in a really unheard of place in Upstate New York to kickstart our career!” pipes in Mary Kate.  Or Michelle.  Whatever I don’t know their names.

There’s further evidence that the twins, initially made famous by 4th wall breaking meta documentary television program Full House, have been thinking about this project for some time now.  We’ve uncovered alternate titles and covers for several of their films:

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When asked if they would continue covering their true identities in their experimental noise duo, recently expanding from the Capital Region to New York City, they both emphatically stated:

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Superdark and Chateau Shows declare temporary ceasefire to work on three city solution

On Friday morning the Super Dark Collective and Chateau shows put aside their differences to put on a kickass show at the Savoy Taproom in Albany.

The temporary ceasefire was declared as rebel Chateauans regained territories in the Albany province of the Capital District.  Meanwhile, survivors of the super fudge massacre dug in and tried to reclaim their stranglehold on Saratoga.  Troy remains contested territory.

flyWhen asked for comment, Christopher Brown of the Super Dark Collective stated:

sd

“What?  What the fuck are you talking about?  We’re not fighting.  The Chateau show guys are really cool.  We were never fighting!  You’re nuts dude.”

Dan Paoletti of Chateau shows similarly remarked:

“Who the fuck are you?  Are you that asshole from that band Fucking Christ that goes around saying how great they are and messages me constantly on facebook asking for shows and money and drugs?  What’s wrong with you?  Why do you make up this weird shit?”

This reporter attempted to attend the peaceful ceasefire show but couldn’t find parking around Lark Street in Albany.  Instead he went home, and, upon finding there was absolutely nothing worth streaming on netflix, hulu, or amazon prime got drunk and wrote a dumb article.  He also very much enjoyed i feel ok’s latest album on bandcamp and is considering purchasing it.  If you want to give him a ride to the show there’s still time to email him at timesboredom@gmail.com.  Or message him on facebook and harass him like he does to everyone else.

Let me tell you about the Legend of the White Devil and the 666…

sko“Y’all don’t know shit about shit!”  screams cantankerous old local music cranky pants DJ Think Noise when asked about White Devil and the 666.  “So allow me to school your kindergarten asses.  Gather round children!”

“Legend has it that late one night, E.S. Cormac (of Hill Haints) and Black Jack Cassidy
(Sisterhood of Sleep, Moon Worship, Bone Parade) were barrelling down the Northway
blasting Jon Spencer Blues Explosion at full volume. Ed shouted to Jack; ‘we should do
something like this! You know, raw, bluesy, loose!’ and Jack shouts back ‘hell yeah.
But EVVVILLL!!!!’

wd6661

“…and smack! Some methed up driver in a Dragula’ (some say Satan hisself!  Others just say Rob Zombie) smashes into their car and A FIREBALL OF HELLFIRE AND SULFUR LIT UP THE NIIGGGHHYIII–YIIGHYT!

“Ah shit, where was I?  Got caught up in my own shtick…

“Oh yeah… the remains of E.S. and Black Jack weren’t found that night. Sometimes, when something so terrible, so evil, so rock and roll happens, dooders spirits can not cross over to hell where they belong, but they must live out eternity in hellfire inspired blues and rhythm!

“And so, E.S. and Black Jack were born again in blues and hellfire as WHITE DEVIL AND THE 666!

wd6662

“Ever since that night, they’ve been exacting their revenge on anyone that’ll listen to their musty brand of raw, loose blues and pounding noise all over the Capital Region.

“And the Facebook has it that on Thursday night, they begin the Saratoga to Albany gauntlet again! Thursday at Desperate Annie’s and Friday night at the Low Beat, which will force the Double Dealin’ Demon Duo to trod once more that Haunted Highway that gave birth to their FIRE AND FURY in the first place!

“What will happen in the meantime? Will they meet up with the mysterious methhead stranger that killed them and make a deal for their souls? Will they rock him back to HELL!!!!??? I, for one, cannot wait to find out.  So git yr asses out to these shows or goddammit, you won’t know nothin bout Legends of local BLUES AND ROCK and you still won’t know shit about shit!”

Today is Mr. Cancelled Day

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We hereby declare April 19th Mr. Cancelled day!  I don’t think it’s anything else, and we have an interview and a review of their new album!  Well yeah my boss is like ‘I am Dave!  Do vat I say!  You vill die here!’  He’s such an asshole.  Dammit Phil look what you made me write!  But seriously we’re gonna celebrate by playing their new ep ‘Every Town Has its Dolls’ all day long here on Times Boredom radio and, um, ahh read the fuckin articles if you wanna laugh.  We promise lead singer Gary’s way funnier than we are.

 

Interview with Gary Ziroli of Mr. Cancelled

Below is our interview with Gary Ziroli in which he proves he’s funnier than we are.  Which is not fair!  He knew the interview was happening.

mr-cancelled

Times Boredom (TB): There’s no lyrics on your bandcamp page.

Gary Ziroli (Z). No. Please feel free to add some!

TB: Your bandcamp page is confusing cause it’s through super dark records. How tall are you?

Z. Average.

TB: Do you always sing lead?

Z. Yes. Go figure!

TB: A lot of people have been saying that Bernie’s really got a chance this time around. Have you ever tried to make a scone?

Z. Tried a scone as president? At this point, SURE!

TB: I wanted to call you pop punk, lo-fi, or indie rock, but your facebook site says you’re ‘old guy post punk’. How old were you when you realized you could rock?

Z. I’m still waiting.

TB: People have said that your band is a gateway drug to the super dark collective and everything they do. Why are you trying to push their super dark fudgey recipe on America?

Z. Anything/anyone dark scares America.

TB: What do you have to gain? do you get free brownies?

Z. No. Free Cub Scouts! (It’s a fucking joke!)

TB: I really like the photos you post on facebook and I’m not afraid if everyone knows that. Do you know Che Guevara T-shirt? I don’t like them.

Z. Who does?

TB: keith’s a really bad frontperson. don’t you think kat celentano (bass player that’s also in hill haints) should be in the front?

Z. Absolutely! I’m serious!

TB: Who are some other local bands you hate?

Z. Kingsteen!

TB: Kurt Vile sucks.

Z. Yes!

TB: Courtney Barnett also sucks.

Z. Yes! (Who?)

TB: I used to make red pepper and gouda cheese sandwiches for lunch. It’s vegetarian and sorta healthy and quick, but it got really old really fast and I’m sick of it. Now I need something else that’s cheap and i don’t have to heat up. Suggestions?

Z. I got sick and really old!

TB: I heard that you live in a super dark collective house with like Chris and Jon from your band and also Shane and John and Sarah and a whole bunch of local punks. Who’s your favorite bass player of all times?

Z. The Bass is the four string one, right?

TB: Why isn’t it Geddy Lee?

Z. He isn’t?

TB: So you hate Canadians.

Z. Eh?

TB: Are you gonna buy a Times Boredom t-shirt when we finally make them?

Z. Yes, but I’ll make sure I get the wrong size so I never wear it.

TB: What’s taking us so long?

Z.

TB: Serious questions: how long does it take you to write a song? Do you write all or most of the melodies? Are you gonna quit your band to form a supergroup with me? Why won’t you join Fucking Christ, my witchdoom band?

Z. I will eventually quit everything!

TB: Your drummer Jon is sexy.

Z. So he continues to say.

TB: Chris has a big moustache.

Z. Well, you know what they say…!

TB: You wanna get high?

Z. I’m high on life and positive vibes! Just kidding! Life is pointless.

TB: Ok but do you wanna get high with me?

Z. I don’t even get high with ME!

TB: What do you think of our review of your new album before you read it?

Z. It was the Citizen Kane of reviews. That’s stupid. Citizen Kane was not a review!

TB: How about after you read it?

Z. My life is a joke…and not a good one.

TB: What’s in the future? Not for you or your band, but like, in general… when are we gonna get jetpacks and flying cars?

Z. Most likely there will be a lot of soup and bread lines. Gluten free, of course!

TB: It’s been a delight to write these questions. I’m really good and professional guy at interviewing. What’s your favorite Sebadoh record?

Z. Destroyer

TB: I met Jason Lowenstein and he said I was cool.

Z. I just Googled him. He said I was cooler!

Mr. Cancelled’s “Every Town has its Dolls is” the most excellently humble post-punk ever with a post-rock star attitude

 

Mr. Cancelled has finally released their long awaited nearly 30 minute long ep and we can’t stop listening to it.  This lo-fi, indie rock, post punk masterpiece has melodies that are meticulously crafted and divinely inspired that soar above the mundane indie landfill surrounding them at every corner of mediocre indie rock… yet the band is as humble as the lo-fi packaging of a paper sleeve and a couple of printed decals on a CD-R reveals…

a2968322946_16(cover art by Shane Sanchez)

Made up of local legendary scenesters (all involved with the 0009935449_10Collective in major or minor ways) the band has many more claims to royalty than just being one of the best local rock bands around. A pop punk trio in the traditional sense, with Chris Brown on the bass cranked high setting the entire atmosphere for the songs, drummer Jon Cantiello (also of national superstars hailing from Glens Falls Candy Ambulance) a phenomenal driving force with kung fu precision and timing, and a bunch of swearing distorted noise coming out of Ziroli’s guitar as he seamlessly goes back and forth between rhythm, lead, solo, and just plain noisewash.  Not to mention the production work by local legend Paul Coleman of Haley Moley and Sinkcharmer which is crunchy, clear, and sharp at all points it needs to be to highlight every particular aspect of the band as it shines.

The major highlights of the album are the vocals and melodies, both mostly the province of self confessed ‘old post-punk guy’ Gary Ziroli’.   And indeed the band moves from pop punk to ‘Old Guy Post Punk’ seamlessly (like their fellow local bands and scenesters that are ominpresent here at Times Boredom because we’re in half of them like Dryer, Che Guevara T-Shirt, and Hill Haints), still making excellent original rock music in a traditional indie rock vein even though its major progenitor may be getting elderly and losing hair, which just makes it all the sweeter, more worldly, and more accepting that it’ll never be appreciated by as many people at the level it really deserves to be.  You could certainly say ‘Old Guy Post Punk’ is more of an attitude than a sound, but, you know, you’d be wrong.  It’s both.   And I’ve already discussed it enough for you to get bored with it most likely (if not write to timesboredom@gmail.com and I’ll write a whole article about it!).

Every song is a three (or almost three) minute masterpiece of verse, bridge, and chorus (or some variant thereof) proving once again that the art of punk rock songwriting will never die and is taken very seriously by them that hold fast to it.  It’s clear that every catchy melody and riff came to lead singer Ziroli in the middle of the night when the Spirit moved him to create something that sounded entirely original yet incredibly familiar in a comforting way to anyone that’s a fan of punk or post-punk.

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And the final real star here is the goddamned humility! Whoever’s writing the melodies is a true blue, hardworking artist that only cares about the results, and not whether any audience hears it, appreciates it, or even gives a shit. These songs are works of art for the art of songwriting, perfectly fine tuned and crafted down to every syllable sung, every bass melody underneath, every… snare… hit (inside joke).

‘Nowhere Again’ begins the record with a Sebadoh like melody that tells you exactly where this record is telling you it’s going to go, hahahah (fake laugh) ‘I’m going nowhere again’, and then it takes off and shoots to one of the catchiest melodies you’ll ever hear.  Oh yeah, it’s going nowhere alright!

‘Failure Street’ similarly brings you in with a catchy bassline and a subtle melody that gives way to an exploding chorus of high melody vocals about failing, while doing exactly the opposite.

‘Half Dead or Worse’ (ostensibly inspired by Glens Falls legendary folk songwriter/performer William Hale) is classic three-four cord pop punk with pop melodies that go back to super catchy nascent fifties rock songs and don’t let up until the 2 minutes end and you just want to hear it again.

But before you rewind, you’re on to ‘You Can Go’; another undeniably will get stuck in your head melody that owes as much to Sebadoh as it does to the Kinks (though Gary may very well deny he listens to either one).

‘Jesus Disturbed’, the standout track of the album will definitely get stuck in your head.  A perfectly crafted pop song full of hooks reminiscent of the dirgy but poppy Nirvana hits.

‘Every Town has its Dolls’ a song that sounds like a Mudhoney track sardonically inciting you to commit suicide because you’re gonna die anyway so you might as well choose the way you die.  And it ends in the most perfectly humble way, with a fuckup left in where Gary shouts ‘FUCK!  God damn it!’ as though he played the wrong cord or lost his voice.

Finally, ‘Show You’ (continuing with our grunge rock comparison theme, warranted or just for laughs), is like a Soundgarden song gone wrong that you can’t stop laughing at as you try to sing.  Classic mock in the vein of every indie rock band that wants you to know that they don’t take any of it very seriously, especially not the gods of rock nor themselves.

Just wondrous fun from a band that wants you to think they don’t take themselves very seriously; but while they’re heavy (and funny) on the self-deprecation, it’s clear that every note on this album is exactly where they want it to be and worked out that it should go.  All the melodies are memorable and catchy, but just enough, without any showboating at all, that you can call it… Mr. Cancelled.

 

We didn’t have time to interview THE MACHINE THAT WOULDN’T DIE before their tour, so we made one up

We were looking to interview Troy Agitprop costumed DIY punks The Machine that Wouldn’t Die before their tour this weekend of the Capital Region, but we couldn’t get in contact with them in time and we also didn’t try cause we’re really lazy. Plus we thought it would be way funnier if we just pretended to be them and skipped all the inevitable exposition.

tmtwdTB: So, Scott standing in for the the Machine that Wouldn’t Die, what would you say your music is?

SK (for TMTWD): College.

TB: Interesting interesting. A lot has been made of the costumes you wear on stage. Did you make them yourselves?

SK (for TMTWD): Theater arts.

TB: Well if you think that will change politics, at least at the local level, of course no one could be against that.

SK (for TMTWD): DIY Punk rock.

TB: I’m sorry; I didn’t get that?

SK (for TMTWD): College.

TB: I see. Don’t you think that’s unusual for a band your age?

SK (for TMTWD): Theater arts.

TB: A lot has been made of your so called ‘dissertation’ on the use of machinery to describe the takeover of the very fabric of reality by the technology we use and have used in the past that continues to generate different realities for different people, yet still somehow form a cohesive zeitgeist.

SK (for TMTWD): Do you have a question?

TB: Haha you got me there. Where do you see yourself in 10 years?

SK (for TMTWD): College.

tmtwd2Well there you have it. If you’re not blown away by their agitprop performance art or their music, their intellectual agenda has to at least make you think hard and deep. They’re playing tonight at the Arts Center of the Capital Region with Saratoga Hawaiian vampires Dryer (some of whom work at a college) and Grimey Landfill Sludge band Che Guevara T-Shirt. They continue their tour tomorrow at Pauly’s Hotel in Albany with out of town yet locally loved performance art duo Home Body (also from college) and Troy synth rock mainstays Haley Moley (some of whom work at a college). Both shows are being put on by the inimitable 0009935449_10Collective. Both shows are welcome to people that are in college, have been to college, or haven’t been to college. They will be enjoyable to all that people that enjoy being entertained.

Girth control is the funniest band ever

FUCKING EVER. NO ONE HAS EVER BEEN THIS FUNNY!  FUCKING SRSLY!

Ok well maybe in the heyday of funny fun punk rock like the Descendants when they were on SST but BEFORE FAT WRECK-CHORDS! BEFORE FAT WRECK-CHORDS! That shit took it TOO FAR and it just wasn’t funny after a while and then it’s in the Base-Ket-Ball movie with the South Park guys and stripping cheerleaders and probably Blink 182 is involved and HOW THE FUCK DID WE GET HERE? Ok well some of that was funny and yeah that movie was fuckin funny but in general it’s just that, well, is it art?

GIRTH CONTROL HAS THE ANSWER:

WE’RE NOT IN IT FOR THE ART!

WE’RE IN IT FOR THE FUN!

WE’RE IN IT TO GET DRUNK!

AND SING SONGS SHORT AND FAST AND DUMB!

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Albany hasn’t had a really genuinely funny punk rock/ska band around here in some time, and Girth Control is filling the hole so much (SO FUCKING MUCH WITH SO MUCH FUCKING GIRTH!) that legendary scenesters like Sarah Winner and Ralph Renna (who they wrote a song about to thank) have taken notice and are behind them hundred percent brah!

SO GO SEE THEM TONIGHT AT THE LOW BEAT AND LAUGH YOUR ASS OFF! OR WE WILL FUCKING KILL YOUR CATS WE KNOW WHO YOU ARE READING THIS BECAUSE WE CAN SEE YOUR IP IF YOU DONT GO TO THE SHOW WE WILL HUNT YOU DOWN AND KILL YOUR CATS FOR NOT SEEING THE FUNNIEST BAND EVER AND THEN YOU MOTHERFUCKERS BETTER WATCH OUT WE MEAN IT!! SRSLY!!!

Ok if you go to their bandcamp page and download their newest funniest fuckin record ever Shorter Faster Dumber we’ll let you slide this time but we better see YOUR FUCKIN PICTURE UP THERE SUPPORTIN THEM IT’S ONLY LIKE $5 YOU CHEAP BASTARDS OR YOUR CAT’S DEAD YOU FUCKIN HEAR ME?  NOT NOT DEAD DEAD NOT DEAD FUCKING! DEAD! CAT! IN! BOX!

Quantum phyics proof dooders.  Funniest band ever.